(Source)
All hail Pope Francis I, your flavorful new Argentinian pope of endless power and infallibility. Or not, if you don't believe that popes are magic. Whatever!
As the former Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio addressed his legions of devotees at the Vatican yesterday, noted homosexuals took to Twitter to air their feelings/grievances/puuns. Here are 12 of my favorite gay-invented quips about the new pope, a man I'm calling Jorge Bergoglio Argentina. Because Penelope Cruz won an Oscar for that.
First, a tweet of my own, then 12 of Twitter's gay best.
New pope: "Gay marriage is a machination of the Father of Lies." Ugh, the Father of Lies rejected me on Craigslist too.
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) March 13, 2013
Regarding the pope's blockbuster potential, Chris Schleicher had to wonder...
"I had Francis-cum last night" - Sex and the City 3: Roman Holiday / RT @pontifex HABEMUS PAPAM FRANCISCUM
— Chris Schleicher (@cschleichsrun) March 13, 2013
The pope has intensified Nick Stadler's appetite for desctruction.
Take me down to the Vatican City / With Francis Argentina / And the boys are pretty / Oh won't you please take me, Rome
— Nick Stadler (@Nickadoo) March 14, 2013
Justin Martindale jumps from the Vatican to the valley.
"I'm like, literally, the new Pope."--if Popes were in LA
— Justin Martindale (@justmartindale) March 13, 2013
Tyler Oakley thinks Francis I is no match for "Snatch Game."
If the new Pope wasn't chosen based on his charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent, he needs to sashay away.
— Tyler Oakley (@tyleroakley) March 13, 2013
James Adomian's comment is hilarious, but now I'm scared for Bonnie Franklin.
Everybody who died between popes goes to an obscure, extra shitty hell.
— James Adomian (@JAdomian) March 14, 2013
When it comes to the pope's age, Jesse Tyler Ferguson is the new "Doubting Thomas."
Yes media, the new pope IS young...when you compare him to the 12 disciples.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) March 13, 2013
For some reason, Richard Lawson questions Francis's glamor.
Suspicious that if they JUST voted, the new pope's garments fit so snugly. Do they make outfits for all the potentials?
— Richard Lawson (@rilaws) March 14, 2013
Brad Walsh's commode also has an important announcement.
There is also white smoke above my bathroom which means a bunch of old homophobes have chosen a new Poop
— Brad Walsh (@BradWalsh) March 13, 2013
Guy Branum hopes the new pope gives a voice to the flamenco community.
Now that we have a Latin American Pope, what's the likelihood Charo gets beatified?
— Guy Branum (@guybranum) March 13, 2013
Jeffery Self's up to date on the Vatican's white smoke situation.
420 at the Vatican y'all!
— JefferySelf (@JefferySelf) March 13, 2013
Bryan Safi says what we're all thinking.
I hope the new pope is Stockard Channing's character in Smoke. #whitesmoke
— Bryan Safi (@bryansafi) March 13, 2013
Finally, Dave Holmes really says what we're all thinking.
The world's 1.2 billion Catholics await the name of the man they will sort of sometimes selectively listen to when it suits them.
— Dave Holmes (@DaveHolmes) March 13, 2013
