Previously on The Vampire Diaries, this happened:
And I'm still not over it.
VDVO: Mercifully absent.
Elena walks down a deserted road and falls to the tarmac. As she lies staring up into the night the Salvatores argue over Damon's decision to have Elena take out her emotion chip. Damon thinks that if it comes to it he can just use the sire bond to order Elena to insert the chip again but Stefan insists they need to giver her a reason to want to flip the switch. Damon's like, great, any excuse for a party.
Meanwhile a car stops in front of Elena and the driver comes to her “aid”. The driver grabs a blanket from the trunk and turns, only to find Elena behind her. Elena sinks her fangs in the driver and is about to drain her dry when Damon shows up and pulls her off.
Damon reminds her they agreed on no killing but Elena counters that she's hungry and the driver is the first non-vervained person she's encountered in days. Damon suggests that leaving a trail of dead bodies is not the best course of action; Elena doesn't care. Damon is as surprised as anyone that he's counseling restraint. Elena's all, you're no fun anymore and stalks off.
One hopes in search of a napkin
Title card!
Shift to a random truck stop where Tyler's former frenemy and Shane's stooge Hayley heads into the parking lot. She's attacked by a vampire but before he can kill her Klaus pulls him off her and scolds him for mistreating a lady before ripping into his throat and casting him aside like a rag doll.
Klaus helps Hayley to her feet and these two are now in cahoots. As I recall the last we saw of Hayley she was about to get her insides outed by Klaus for her role in the Great Hybrid Slaughter so I think we skipped a moment somewhere.
Anyway, the gist is that Katherine sent the vampire after Hayley because Hayley's a loose end in Katherine's recovery of the vampirism cure. Hayley reminds Klaus that he promised her protection which he will start providing just as soon as she gives up everything she knows about Katherine's plans.
From a Salvatore shower (Stefan's or Damon's, I wonder) Elena overhears the brothers discussing options. Stefan's big idea is to have Elena go back to school where he can chaperone. Given that Elena's attendance record is charitably described as “spotty” I would think going every day would raise more suspicions. Caroline enters and seconds Stefan's idea. She's showering there because it's the only house in town with vervain-free water. While Elena's occupied with school, Damon will search for Katherine. And Caroline mentions that Sheriff Liz says there's big trouble a-brewin'.
Elena enters and agrees that school sounds like fun. She's naked, which is what happens when you burn your ancestral home to the ground without packing a bag first. Stefan and Damon trying to figure out where to look is priceless while Elena's all it's not like you haven't both been there. Damon invokes the sire bond, saying it would make him very happy if Elena went to school and studied hard and joined a club or two and not eat anyone.
Cut to Mystic Falls High School. Go Timberwolves! Elena spots a flyer for a memorial service for Jeremy and her reactionlessness is heartbreaking.
She's much more interested in the cheerleading competition flyer hanging next to it, pulling them both off the bulletin board and crumpling Jeremy's right along with my heart.
After Caroline leaves yet another voice mail for Tyler Matt arrives to establish that Bonnie will be absent from tonight's show. Elena approaches Caroline about rejoining the cheerleading squad because jumping up and down and throwing people in the air sounds like fun and it's not like the routines are that hard. Cheer captain Caroline graciously ignores the insult and welcomes Elena back, noting how happy her participation will make Damon. Ugh.
Damon's not as happy about meeting with Klaus at the Haus of Klaus, telling him how much he sucks at finding Katherine and confronting him with knowledge of his contacts with Hayley. Damon demands Hayley's location but Klaus responds with his same old whiny list of grievances; you killed my brother, you trapped me in the Gilbert's tacky living room. Damon's not dissuaded but Klaus declares Hayley off-limits but lets on about the vampire with the torn out throat who may still be tottering about.
Sheriff's station. Liz tells Stefan that the entire blood supply from Mystic Falls Hospital has been stolen. Stefan wonders if she's accusing him; she's not, but the theft is just another in a series of events agitating the town. Reflecting a moment, Liz recalls that Miranda Gilbert was one of her closest friends and that the toll that's been taken on Miranda's family weighs heavily on her.
Stefan offers to do whatever he can to help. Rather than suggesting he pack up himself, his brother and the rest of the Fang Gang she notes that the theft has put a lot of lives at risk and threatens everyone supernatural in town including her daughter. She wonders who would need that much blood and would be so careless.
Stefan's prime suspect has changed into her cheerleader uniform which oddly has no school name or insignia on it. Caroline compliments her and says that they're totally going to kick Rancho Carne's ass. Elena absently agrees but she's fixated on a cheerleader who's about to separate herself from the herd to retrieve a forgotten makeup bag.
Said cheerleader boards a school bus and finds her bag, turning to find Elena standing behind her. Elena compliments her hair ribbon and asks for it. The prey is all, um, I'm like using it so Elena vamps out and bites her, reaching for the ribbon as the lifeblood flows out of the girl.
Back at the competition Caroline spots Elena and wonders about the ribbon which is totally not MFHS's colors. Elena just shrugs and walks off. Caroline spots Elena's victim with a scarf hilariously around her neck and chases after Elena, accusing her of eating the competition. “Did you not hear what Damon told you?” She did, but she doesn't care. Stefan appears at their side, asking if everything's OK. It will be by Elena as soon as “the queen” backs off. Elena rejoins the rest of the squad and, if a cheer move can be called defiant, does a defiant cheer move in Caroline's general direction.
The script originally had the squad spelling out "Suck it, Caroline" but it was cut for length
Stefan calls Damon, who's at the truck stop, to inform him that his order didn't work. Stefan susses out what I predicted in my last recap, that by taking out her emotion chip Elena shut down the connection upon which the sire bond was formed. Damon updates Stefan on his search for the wounded vampire and hangs up.
While scoping out the parking lot Damon is as thrilled as we are to run into Rebekah. He snots that he thought she was still on “Numbskull Island” which I'm interpreting as a King Kong reference whether it is or not. She reports that she found nothing except dead Shane. Damon faux-pities her that she won't become a real girl after all but Becky figures she'll just take the cure from Katherine, whom Damon will help her find. He asks why he would do that and she holds up a vial of Klaus's blood, which Damon will need to patch up the vampire suffering the effects of a werewolf bite. How in the hell did she get her hands on Klaus's blood? Damon doesn't ask and agrees to team up.
The next scene is between Klaus and Hayley and is important for two reasons: 1) It links Hayley to New Orleans, which is where she'll be joining the Originals pilot in April; and 2) It sets up the sex that these two will inevitably be having.
Cheerleading competition. Stefan needs to talk but Elena's more interested in throwing her leg up over Stefan's head. No wonder all the boys love her. He asks if she attacked the cheerleader (duh!) then if she stole the blood supply. She's tired of bag food, so no.
Stefan tries to pull her back from the ledge he thinks she's approaching, telling her how being a vampire is all fun and games until you start slaughtering entire villages but Elena is not having it. She suggests that this may be the better version of her and I tend to agree.
The Lady Timberwolves are called to the mat and they start their routine. Caroline tries to stop Elena fromjoining in but can't. On a basic toss Elena deliberately steps out of catching position, letting Caroline crash to the mat.
That's at least a two-tenths deduction right there. At least.
Outside the school Elena's texting (who exactly? All of her friends are accounted for or dead...or both) when Stefan compliments her on her moves. Get back on the cheer squad with a supply of vervaine-free victims bussed in for the meet, very smart. Elena's all, yeah, really wasn't that hard to outsmart you and the rest of the brain trust since you want me to be “me” so bad you'll swallow any line of crap I spin. He points out a flaw in her logic; a crowded gym doesn't provide enough opportunities for alone time with victims. He offers to take to an out of the way dive bar. She's suspicious but he reminds her that he had his own emotion chip out in Mystic Falls so he knows all the seediest places. He tosses her a motorcycle helmet and as she's catching it, zips up on her and shoots her up with vervain.
Damon and Becky check out Grove Hills Trauma Center in search of the wounded vampire. Becky doubts the wisdom of it but Damon points out that the vampire would need someplace open around the clock where he could hide from the Sun and secure a food supply. Well thought-out, Mr. Salvatore! They check out the blood storage center which is totally unlocked and unguarded, where Damon discovers the place has been cleaned out. Rebekah insults his intelligence by calling him “Sherlock Holmes with brain damage”. Not exactly known for her wit, that one.
Damon mentions the Mystic Falls blood theft and Becky assumes the wounded vampire is responsible. She sounds like Sherlock Holmes with brain damage. Damon pints out that a vampire suffering from a werewolf bite would not be able to clean out two different facilities. This is something else, which for the moment is not their problem.
Looking on the bright side of life, Damon concludes that if the wounded vampire did seek out the hospital he came up empty, so he's nearby, hungry and weak. He plans to lure him out and Becky wonders why. If he does find Katherine and the cure an unbound Elena would go back to Stefan. She suggests leaving the cure for her.
Klaus and Hayley have another scene together in which they discuss Klaus's terrible art, his interest in Caroline and her interest in Tyler as they move one step closer to the inevitable sex.
Elena revives back at the Salvatore place, angry that Stefan is grounding her for dropping Caroline. He says it's because she fed in public; she dismisses his concern and starts removing her cheerleader outfit. Stefan accuses her of trying to manipulate people through sex the way Katherine used to. She insists she's nothing like Katherine, whose centuries-long run have left her afraid and paranoid. Without her emotion chip installed Elena doesn't feel that fear or anything else, including sexual passion for Stefan. “Don't get me wrong, I mean, I see you standing there and you look good. I remember our sex and it was good sex, I just don't feel anything about it anymore.”
Elena goes back to texting while Stefan blathers on about guilt, until he finally snatches the phone away. She suggests that maybe he needs to yank his chip again since he's clearly completely hung up on her. Before he can respond he hears noises from downstairs. He realizes that Elena's been e-viting everyone for a party (remembering the lesson Damon taught her back around episode three or so).
The party's raging when Caroline arrives. She realizes that they can't compel everyone to leave since the locals are hopped up on vervaine. You could still compel the out-of-towners to go, Caroline, which would certainly queer Elena's groove. Instead they decide if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, just so long as Elena doesn't slaughter the Rancho Carne squad right there in the house.
They spot her dancing on a table and Caroline wistfully remembers what having fun used to be like. She suggests they go ahead and really cut loose but he reminds her that when he cuts loose things tend to get gory. She reminds him that she's there as his “sober coach” to back him up so he should go for it. He wonders if he's supposed to just go up to some random girl, throw her over his shoulder and carry her to the dance floor. Caroline replies that he's single and hot and could use some fun, so yeah, pretty much. Stefan grabs Caroline and flings her over his shoulder and carries her to the dance floor.
Back in Grove Hills Damon puts the bite on a medical professional in the parking lot and points her to her car. Becks doesn't get it. Damon explains the concept of “bait”. The medical professional staggers to her car but before she can get in the wounded vampire grabs her. Damon grabs him but before he can knock him out they recognize each other. “Damon?” the wounded vampire croaks. “Will?” Damon replies.
Running into an ex can be so awkward
Will rasps that he needs help and Damon assures him he knows just what to do. Then he pulls Will's heart out of his chest. Rebekah protests and Damon insists that the guy was beyond help.
Klaus and Hayley have another scene together in which they have sex.
Elena spots Stefan and Caroline dancing and beelines for them, denying she is at all jealous and suggesting Caroline “take him for a spin”. Sheriff Liz arrives to break up the party even after Elena explains that it's just a little underage drinking and drug use. Liz asks after Stefan and Elena says he's busy flirting with her daughter and opines that he'd make a good rebound guy for her. Elena asks Liz to stay for a drink but Liz starts further into the house. Elena grabs her, grabs her and vamps out for a second, saying that either Liz will have a drink or she will. Liz goes for her gun but Elena spins her into a wall. Before she can do anything else Caroline pulls her off. Caroline makes to throttle Elena but Stefan holds her back, allowing Elena to zip away in the confusion.
Damon arrives back home and joins the party for three seconds before Rebekah starts in with the nag, nag, nag.
She accuses Damon of killing the vampire to keep her from the cure, which is totally true, but he deflects that she should be glad she didn't get it. He points out the girls at the party who look happy now but who in five years will be stuck in dull careers with dull “starter husbands” and have to come to grips with their utter ordinariness. She looks thoughtful and he leaves, before getting a text from Stephan, who's searching for Elena with a seriously pissed off Caroline.
Caroline yells out that she's stronger but she doesn't want to hurt Elena. Elena finds her first and knocks her down. Caroline throws her off and Elena back-handedly compliments her on her fighting style but notes that she was trained to fight by Alaric. Elena, sweetie, considering Alaric's kill record on this show (one, if I recall, and that one got better) that's not really a brag. They fight some more; it's no Buffy vs. Faith but it's entertaining.
In the middle of it Caroline calls Elena out on how she's changed. Elena explains that she can't be guilt tripped because she has no feelings. She suggests Caroline pull her own emotion chip so she can stop feeling bad about Tyler leaving her and also about all those dirty thoughts she has about Klaus. Caroline attacks again and Elena easily gets the upper hand. She snaps off a branch and stakes Caroline in the gut. Caroline goes down. Elena pulls out the branch and moves to administer the killing blow when the Salvatores break it up.
Back at her place Caroline leaves Tyler yet another voice mail then gets a text from Matt asking her to come to Tyler's place. Stefan enters and asks if she's all right and Caroline's all well yeah except for that whole by best friend just tried to jam a branch through my heart thing.
Stefan says that they're dealing with the worst version of Elena (disagree). Caroline wonders why Elena would want to experience the emotions of her shitty life again; Stefan can't really answer that, instead spouting that Elena never gave up on him even when he was at his worst so they can't give up on her either.
As Damon roots around in a trunk in his room a bored Elena asks how long she's stuck there. She can go just a soon as she no longer wants to kill her best friend. She can't believe he's being judgy given the number of times he's tried to kill Stefan. Faulty analogy, Elena. You should be counting the number of times he tried to kill Alaric including the time he actually killed Alaric.
She sees he's found something and inquires about it. It's a photo of him and Will but he just calls it one of life's mysteries. He looks up at her and starts, “Elena” but she cuts him off, saying that every time someone starts with “Elena” she gets another lecture. She asks if he really wants her to go back to being the scared girl she was instead of the amazing-feeling creature she is now. She notes how long he's been scared of being with her because she might find out how awful he is. Now she knows how awful he is and she doesn't care. Doesn't he honestly prefer her this way? He doesn't answer. He doesn't have to.
Caroline arrives at the Lockwood home but can't enter. Matt is inside and he invites her in. He's received a package from Tyler, which included a note for Caroline. As she reads it Tyler's voice reads it to us. He misses her but knows he can never return as long as Klaus is alive. He's signed the house over to Matt so she has a safe haven where Klaus can't reach her (Good luck affording the property taxes on your tips from the Grill, Matt). He has to vanish forever if she's ever going to be safe. He heart breaks into a million pieces as she finally accepts that Tyler isn't coming back.
Klaus and Hayley have a final scene in which she is dressing after their sex. Klaus spots a crescent-shaped mark on her shoulder. He tells her that he's seen that mark before, always on werewolves of the same bloodline, in the territory now known as Louisiana.
It's been known as Louisiana since 1682, can you narrow it down a little?
She suspects he's lying; he insists he's not. She asks to hear more.
Stefan takes a call from Sheriff Liz who tells him there's a new wrinkle to the blood thefts. Stefan calls Damon in his car to relay that six facilities within 30 miles of Mystic Falls have been hit. Stefan concludes that Silas, who hasn't fed for two millennia, is stockpiling the blood to gorge on it. I'm kind of hoping for a scene where he's bathing in it like Ra's al Ghul in the Lazarus Pit.
Damon can't be arsed with the case of the missing blood bags and tells Stefan to handle it. He hangs up and the shot widens to show that Elena is with him. She suggests Stefan will hate him and he reminds her that emotions are overrated. She asks where they're going and, as he stares at the photo of him and Will, says they're going to New York City.
Does everyone else love this version of Elena? The character has plucked my last nerve for months because of two major problems: her goddamn HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS; and her complete lack of agency because of the sire bond. In one step both of those impediments have been dashed and Elena has immediately become interesting again. I know she can't stay this way forever because eventually the central Stefan-Elena-Damon triangle will be re-asserted but I am going to enjoy the hell out of Beige Elena for as long as she's around.
Big kudos to Nina Dobrev again this week for a great job in bringing this new iteration of Elena into being. I was more than a little worried that Beige Elena would either have a completely flattened affect or pretty much a carbon copy of Katherine. Instead Dobrev has pretty much created a new character, which depending on how you count the various aspects of Elena/Katherine/human/vampire/impersonation makes something like seven different and distinct characters. Someone give her all the awards.
Next week: Vampires in New York! Can they swing by Brooklyn and eat Rachel Berry as long as they're in town?
