Who will win Big Brother 14? Will it be Dan, the masterful Svengali who deceived Danielle like a regular Lon Chaney? How about Ian, the nervous newbie who is definitely pacing at this second? Or what about Danielle, the underdog who pretty much doesn't deserve to be in the house? I'm torqued to find out (and I'm rooting for Dan, bien sur), but before we conclude this season, let's take a look back at nine times when Big Brother 14 didn't mind going a little gay.
1. Ian's exhibitionism
Sudden nudity, erratic disco dancing, self-spanking -- Ian was a wacky little freak in the first episodes of Big Brother 14. Though he eventually cooled, he was a flitty twink in pink boxer shorts for a little while there. Personally, I relished it.
2. The exotic headwear at the first coaches' challenge
Remember when the coaches were actually coaches? I know, barely. The one good thing that came from this season's original format was the awesome costuming during the first coach challenge, when Boogie won by chasing Britney on a "horse" around a stupid track. But anyway: Check out these sophisticated derbygoers in the stands! Wil is decadent, Ian is snazzy, and Jenn needs a mint julep. Perfection.
3. Wil's mesh shirts
Do I know where you can buy a mesh shirt? No. Do most people? No. Does Wil know? Yes. And that's important. The lank-haired gay provided us with tons of killer apparel this season, but his first eye-popping moment came courtesy of his see-through top. Right Said Fred, your legacy lives on.
4. Shane's pseudo-gay scheme
Fun fact: On the live feeds, Shane admitted to Danielle that his original strategy coming into the house was to "pretend to be gay." How very Nick Starcevic (BB8) of him! Why he didn't follow through, we'll never know, but he luckily provided us with enough proud shirtlessness and pink trunks to toggle our lonely gaydars for a spell. And speaking of shirtlessness...
5. Joe and Dan's shirtless wrestling
Sorry, but rules are rules: If you're two dudes who wrestle without shirts on, you subject yourself to consideration in the gay fetish porn world. Joe and Dan's quick romp may have been short, but it'd have made the front page at Fratpad if photographed well enough.
6. The hilarious headbutt melodrama between Willie and Joe
Willie was a damn mess. He spent his initial time in the house freaking out that the houseguests would realize his brother is Russell from Survivor, but then his hotheaded attitude just infuriated everyone anyway. His climactic staredown and headbutt drama with Joe, the melee that got Willie kicked out of the house, was as intense and stilted as the initial tent tryst between Jack and Ennis. Wish I were stretching the truth, honestly, but there is a comparison to be made.
7. Boogie's mysteriously awesome eviction outfit
Boogie was annoying and pompous, but he was also... apparently fashionable? Check out what he wore the night of his meeting with Julie Chen: a chalky pink blazer with rolled sleeves, matching checkered shorts, and clay-colored Topsiders. Inspired! I'd call it his proudest moment, frankly.
8. Jenn's love of a popped denim collar
Jenn is an out-and-proud lesbian, a platinum-selling recording artist, and a really nice-seeming woman. Too bad none of those qualities made her a good or even noticeable Big Brother contestant. Thankfully, she treated us all to a magical denim vest that Patrick Swayze would've worn in Road House, cementing her righteous chick-rocker cred for the next century.
9. Wil's saucy eviction ensemble
I LOVE WIL. I loved his indefatigable spirit, his love of catchphrases, and his willingness to wear just about anything if it'll stay on his shoulders. His ultimate fashion moment came right at the end of his Big Brother journey, as his fellow players voted him back into the gay netherworld. With just one ridiculous admiral's hat, Wil readied himself for Fleet Week and a spot on the gay cruise I'm designing around his image. Glorious hat, glorious hair, impossible legs. The perfect reality contestant.
