First of all, Arrow fans, if you haven't gotten in on the voting for this show in AfterElton's Beefcake Tourney, then rush on over and do that. Let's make sure Stephen knows we appreciate his abs, and that David understands we are thankful for his biceps!
We begin our story with the return of Helena Bertinelli. It seems her father has turned squealer and cut a deal with the Feds. That doesn't work for her. She was only barely willing to let him rot in jail for the rest of his life, but WitSec is not acceptable. She drives this point home by murdering the lawyer who cut the deal for her father.
It's never fun when a pycho ex shows up, is it?
The next scene has Detestable Detective Lance finally being let out of the dog house by his daughter. If you'll recall, Laurel was a little miffed at him for using her for bait in his endless efforts to capture the Hood.
One good turn deserves another, though. Laurel just used the lure of forgiveness to get him to meet her so she could spring the return of Mama Lance on him. I don't know why she thought this meeting had to happen in a public place, but whatevs.
Dinah believes Sarah, the other Lance daughter, is alive. She has a photo of someone that could be her, after all. And there were other islands she might have washed up on. As yet, no one has floated any theories on why little Sarah hasn't contacted anyone in five years. If she is alive, which I have long suspected, I suspect she's not made of sugar and spice anymore.
My ability to mull that over is short-circuited by the return of Roy Harper, who is of course played by the supremely gorgeous Colton Haynes. Seriously, I think I could just stare at his face for hours on end. And have people noticed his affinity for red?
Anyway, Thea has decided to follow in the heels on every teenage girl on TV ever and sets out to reform Bad Boy Roy. She wants to make him take gainful employment and give up his nefarious ways. Really, this is just foreplay because she (like everyone else on the planet including straight men) wants to do him.
Back at the Arrow Cave, Digg gives Oliver the bad news. "You're psycho ex-girlfriend is back and you're gonna be in trouble."
Oliver tells Digg to pull out all the stops on finding Helena. And then he finds her at his house chatting with Thea. He's not happy, but at least she isn't boiling a rabbit or anything.
Helena wants him to help her find and kill her daddy. Oliver tells her that there is no way that will happen. She responds by threatening his family. Why he doesn't follow her and, I don't know, beat her up or something I just don't know. Instead, he just lets her walk out the door and then tells Digg to put security on his mom and sister.
There is a sweet moment where Oliver thanks Digg for not telling him "I told you so."
It's nice that Oliver is realizing how much he screwed up letting Ms. Crazy Pants into their club. And it's nice that Digg doesn't feel like he has to rub salt in that wound.
You know who has that salt? Tommy. Oliver goes to him and gives him a hang-dog face and says how sorry he is for hurting Tommy by lying to him.
Tommy's response is so perfectly pointed. It shows just how disconnected Oliver has become from his humanity.
"Do you think that's what I care about? That my feelings are hurt? You're a murderer, a killer. You are my best friend in life but now it's like I don't even know you."
Ouch.
Oliver looks hurt, but he tries to rally. He says he can now explain everything to Tommy about how and why.
"What would be the point?" Tommy asked. "I wouldn't believe a word of it anyway."
The sound you heard after those words was Oliver's heart shattering—just like Tommy's did when Oliver told him that he had never planned to reveal his secret to Tommy.
Oh my poor wounded boys. I just want to hug them.
What I think is interesting about this episode is that we are seeing that Oliver has come back to himself a whole lot. For all that he insisted he was fine after returning from Magical Ninja Island, he had become cold and unfeeling. Over the course of this show, Oliver has renewed ties. He's remembered what it means to care about people.
It's making it harder for him to be the Hood. That's obvious throughout this entire episode. That's some stellar writing, in my opinion.
The writers are also trying to make me care about Detestable Detective Lance, but for me that fight is over. Paul Blackthorne does a stellar job portraying a father in agony over the death of his daughter. The problem is, as he complains to Laurel and Dinah about dredging up the past, I can't help thinking, "Uh, they lost her too." So he just seems selfish. But hey, that's kind of normal for him, isn't it?
Oliver and Tommy's club, "Verdant," finally opens to packed crowds. I'm not sure how he filled the house. Club openings can be dicey. Maybe he and Tommy suggested they'd be serving drinks in Andrew Christian underwear?
Helena crashes the party and kidnaps Tommy and holds him hostage in the Arrow Cave until Oliver pinky swears to help her kill her dad. This is one single-minded girl.
Oh, and let's take a moment to check in with our Slash Desk.
"Yes, the crowds are going wild! Of all the people she could have kidnapped to get Oliver to cooperate, she goes with Tommy? This is a big night for slashers, no doubt about it. Keyboards across the continent are being worn out working on this scenario."
Thank you, fictitious slash correspondent. Now back to our recap.
I'm a little ticked at Oliver for not just going after Helena when she let Tommy go, but I guess he's still thinking he can turn her away from the Dark Side. Sometimes it's hard to let go of our exes, even when they're completely nuts.
Bad Boy Roy flakes out on the job Thea got him, so she goes to chew him out. He lets her know he doesn't need her charity and that someone named Corbin Fisher has been offering him loads of money for "modeling work" anyway. Okay, that last part is just in my warped little mind.
After storming away, Thea gets jumped by some thugs. Bad Boy Roy rescues her with some slick parkour moves. Well, not so slick since he gets stabbed. Woops. But that of course just makes Thea want him more.
Oliver and Helena go after her dad, but it was a trap! That rascally Detective Lance knew the Huntress and the Hood would come after Bertinelli, so he set them up. Helena gets taken into custody but Oliver gets away.
The crazy little murderer doesn't give Oliver up. She does take a moment to try and sow the seeds of doubt in McKenna's mind. Girls, girls, there's plenty of Oliver to go around. Just ask Digg and Tommy.
Of course, Oliver springs her. He can't have her blabbing about his secret identity or his secret obsession for the High School Musical movies. It would just be too embarrassing.
He gives her a ticket and a passport and tells her to leave. So she goes and we never hear from her again.
Uh huh. Helena is a committed individual. Or, well, she should be committed. So instead of heading off to Rome like a good girl, she goes after Felicity Smoak.
My heart goes into my throat. I adore Felicity, but I wouldn't put it past this show to kill her off just to ramp up the drama. At this point, I'm really not putting anything past these writers.
Fortunately, after getting what she wanted out of her, Helena let Felicity go. But that is the last straw. Oliver and I totally agree that it's time for Helena to go down. No one lays a hand on Felicity.
Helena really has gone totally off the reservation. She slaughters the U.S. Marshalls protecting her father. She uses some kind of repeating crossbow that just totally defies the whole science of a crossbow, but I'm just going to roll my eyes and forget about that.
Oliver and Helena face off. She doesn't think he'll kill her because he has all those pesky morals and some sort of residual humanity. In response, he shoots her.
Dude, this show is so Shakespearean sometimes.
Well, Helena catches the arrow which I find unlikely. Even accepting she could master such a trick, a shot from Oliver's bow is going to be going a whole lot faster than it would from most anyone else's. So now I have a physics problem to chew on.
Helena is shocked and hurt that Oliver was ready to kill her. She's so miffed that she nearly murders McKenna in revenge.
Psycho exes, man. They just ruin your life.
McKenna's injuries turn out to be severe enough that she has to take a leave of absence from the force—and Starling City. Oliver is ready to leave with her. Oh, Ollie. She won't hear of it and so she dumps him.
Oliver finds a comforting shoulder in Tommy. His bestie apologizes for being so harsh, which is sweet even though I don't think Tommy has anything to apologize for. The boys make up, which is nice and so full of slashy goodness.
Detestable Detective Lance finally agrees to look into the possibility of Sarah not being dead. Maybe he'll leave town and we won't see him for a few years. That'd be nice.
Next week looks to be a whole lot more Bad Boy Roy! Are you excited? I sure am!
