1. OK, Jimmy Iovine is ripping apart the judges. Which is impressive because they're all made of taffy.
2. He's ripping the contestants too! Jimmy Iovine on Burnell: "This whole thing about not knowing Beatles songs puts me off a bit." Oh no, not a put-off turtle man in a backwards cap!
3. On Lazaro: "The worst [performance] of the night!" But probably only the second-worst blazer!
4.Amber's rehearsal footage where she gets lost in the stage fog is hilarious. SHE IS SO ENDEARING. More than Janelle, America. Respect!
5.Devin, Paul Jolley, Lazaro and Burnell "sing" a version of the Beatles'"Got to Get You Into My Life" live. I would call it horrible, except it appears they're just lip-syncing for the most part. And then screeching little solo parts at no one in particular.
6.Seacrest tells Paul Jolley that the town of Dresden, Tennessee has declared an official Paul Jolley Day! Hooray! But this is all part of Seacrest's mean game of cloak-and-dagger; he adds that Paul is in the bottom three. Paul doesn't seem surprised that he's in the bottom. IfyouknowwhatI'msaying.
7. Is it just me or is Paul suddenly 10-15 pounds underweight?
8.Casey Abrams, the growling, overly bearded season 10 veteran, sang an insane, sometimes tuneful, randomly terrible version of "I Saw Her Standing There." His upright bass threatened to walk twice.
9. Casey Abrams to Ryan Seacrest, after the performance: "I'm writing new songs by the day!" He then pulled 3-5 songs out of his beard.
10.Candice, Kree, Amber, Angie, and Janelle all join in on a meditative version of "Here, There, and Everywhere." Candice is a flaw-free queen.
11. Lazaro learns he is not in the bottom three. Meanwhile, Devin and Amber are. Because why should life make sense? That would be depressing or something.
12. Jessica Sanchez, last season's runner-up, reappeared to sing her new not-at-all-memorable single with Ne-Yo. She tells us, "I'm going to be appearing on Glee, which is a big stepping stone for me!" Uh, what an Eve Harrington thing to say! Kind of monstrous!
13. She is very talented. And Ne-Yo? Is verrrry talented.
14. Jessica is wearing harem pants. To me, harem pants say, "If you rubbed me, you'd get three wishes. But as luck would have it, u can't touch this.”
15. When Kree is declared safe, she and Lazaro whisper to each other, and something is bleeped out. Did Lazaro swear? Yay, he's naughty!
16. When Paul, Devin, and Amber are arranged front and center as the final three, Devin and Amber hold hands. Coming back from commercial, Paul is moved to Candice's left side so he can hold her hand and not Devin's. Oh, come on. Let Anthony Perkins hold Tintin's hand.
17. Paul is the declared loser. He is so unsurprised, which is unsurprising.
18. He sings "Alone" for the judges, and it is mysteriously his worst performance of the season. Chills-me-to-THE-BONE!
19. Strikes me as kind of weird that none of the other contestants are shedding tears the way they were for Curtis Finch Jr last week.
20. Ouch. Wickety-whack final note.
21. The judges don't save him. They seem ELATED about that. Keith Urban basically turns a flip-flop.
22. Paul earns cute points when he tells the audience, "I think I'm doing OK -- I have my own day!" referring to Official Paul Jolley Day Of Dresden, Tennessee. Awwww. It's always Paul Jolley Day in my loins. Seriously, check my loins calendar.
23. I get that Paul was something of a blank-faced, inconsistent performer, but I thought he had potential to be a gay country thang with a goofy twang. Maybe he still does.
24. OK, look again at Paul Jolley's pants. They are slimmer than Seacrest's lapel.
25. In closing: Team Candice/Team Amber.
Who's your favorite member of the Top 8? Will you miss Paul?
