Alicia might be expressing sweet relief in the above picture, but I'm not so placated. I won't declare Sunday's The Good Wife a disaster, but it still perpetuated a number of the problems I have with season four: regurgitated drama at the firm, too little of people we care about, and a Kalinda storyline that's radioactively bad. Someone hold up a Geiger counter to her grizzled man Nick's face and tell me if his shock-blondness is Silkwood-related.
Fortunately, there was one triumphant performance that felt like a cool balm on an otherwise aching sore. Ready to clap?
Aw, yeah: Guess who ruled last episode? This guy.
Mr. Alan Cumming enjoyed what may be his finest moment on the show when he confronted -- or should I say, brought up in a mumbled, diplomatic fashion -- the potential of Alicia's affair with Will leaking to the press. Perfect pausing, conscientious glances, thoughtful brow-furrowing, and no-nonsense truth-telling. All the things I cherish in a Tim Gunn consultation. I only wish Alan rested his chin on his fist and muttered something about Alicia's problematic hemline and the "sturm und drang" this means for the campaign. Naturally, Alicia's response was both panicked and stifled, and her painty eyebrows didn't shift in their intense Kabuki archness. That is a good wife, indeed.
Love this jaunty popsicle stick man. Love him.
Turns out it's suuuuuper easy to debunk a campaign saboteur's lies.
We learned this episode that the nosy magazine that seemed to threaten the release of damning, adulterous info about Alicia and Will was actually cooking up an unsubstantiated story about Peter's infidelity instead. Phew for Alicia, who wore her rage-bubbling-under face all episode. I'd spend more time rejoicing except the way in which Kalinda proved the claim false was... alarmingly brisk and easy. Like, lightning-brisk. Peter's alleged mistress, who established that she was "no Ree-elle Hunter!" like a moron mouthbreather, talked to Kalinda for roughly 25 seconds before claiming that Alicia even caught Peter and her in the sack once. How did Alicia allegedly respond? Well, she was fiiiine with it because the Florricks have an open marriage, duh! Hmmmm. Welp, that's not true. Kalinda wins, the whole story is a farce, and that potential fiasco is over. Or is it? Last episode, the magazine seemed interested in Will's extracurricular activities too. If they cared so much about him, why is Peter the sudden target of their allegations? Perhaps this will be exploded next episode. And maybe Kalinda will fix it in a five-minute break between cooking her famous omelets! We'll get to that insanity/inanity in a moment.
This judge annoyed me.
The big case last episode concerned a small tech site claiming that the search engine ChumHum, a Google proxy, blackballed them on their site's searches and consequently ruined their business. The defense (led by testy, shrugging lawyer Rita Wilson) and the prosecution got into a complicated war of not-so-fascinating jargon, but the weary ringmaster in the middle of it all was the Hon. Michael Marx, played by Emmy nominee Dominic Chianese, who kept asking everyone in the courtroom to speak up. Ah, he's so old and kindly! What a wizened Ben Kingsley-looking fool, right? No: Later, he rambles off a 427-word screed about search engine algorithms and proves he's the spryest little web guru of all time. Deeply compelling character shift. Let me guess: He also... owns an Xbox and drives a SmartCar! In your face, ageism! Sigh. I'd rather have James Urbaniak back as that stuffy Harvard alum, and his one-note weirdness wasn't exactly eye-popping either.
Kalinda and Nick are the most embarrassing couple on television since Tiny Tim and Miss Vicki.
Let me see if I got this right: Nick cornered Kalinda at home, asked her to cook him an omelet, she grumpily broke some eggs into a plate, he rubbed a broken egg on her breast, and they both drew knives on each other. Right. Um, is this a Commedia dell'Arte exercise? What am I missing? Is this Kalinda's audition for an America's Got Talent mime act concerned with promoting domestic violence awareness? Is it a tribute to the silent misogyny of Harpo Marx? Is it a sexy "This is your brain on drugs" egg-smash revamp? Whatever was going on between Nick and Kalinda, it was stupid and time-consuming. Kalinda hasn't exhibited an iota of the flair and enigma that we've seen in previous seasons; she's just mugging and moping and stoically drawing weapons like Aaron Burr. Are you riveted by this? Or are you mystified by the fact that CBS seems to want us to think this is hot? Yikes. This is so not hot. It's like a high school cold-shoulder war between two petty sophomores -- complete with a climactic cafeteria food fight. Throw everyone in detention, thanks.
Oh, and "dyke" was uttered.
Saucy Lana made her first appearance this season as she rolled under the covers with Kalinda, who was ostensibly getting back at her riveting man using the intrigue of bisexuality. This compelled Nick to call Kalinda a "dyke," which compelled Kalinda to punch him in the face. More utter edginess. I remember Det. Sipowicz muttering the word "dyke" on NYPD Blue in a gritty fashion, and instead of being scandalized, I remember just being embarrassed for my dad watching the show. And Mark-Paul Gosselaar wasn't even part of the proceedings yet.
What did you think of last night's episode? Fine? Fine-ish? Generally bad? Diane had a nice screamy moment at Clarke Hayden (Nathan Lane), I guess.
