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Overdramatic voiceover...
Five years ago, I was out yachting and fishing with my Dad and totally doing my girlfriend's little sister when the boat sank. I managed to make it to Magical Ninja Island where I got turned into a complete badass. Now I have this huge "to do" list that my Dad left me with.
This is Arrow. It's like Revenge only with one hundred percent more abs and way more murder.
When we last left our favorite hooded killer, he had embarked upon a quest to make sure everyone wrote him off as the same vapid party boy that he had been prior to getting marooned. This will make it harder for people to clue into the fact that his real interests include long moonlit walks, archery and bloodshed.
Our little psychopath is avenging the crap out of the latest name on his list. In short order, he slaughters the guy's security detail and lets him know that he's about to become a one-man charitable organization. Or else.
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You know, I think that given the spike in pointy-thing related deaths experienced by private security firms in Starling City, if I were on the payroll of the rich and slimy, I'd find a new line of work.
Oliver has to go to court to prove that he's still alive. This of course leads to a run in with Laurel. You know how it is in a major metropolis. You just can't manage to not run into your ex.
Once Oliver finds out that Laurel's new client is a victim of yet another name on The List Of Doom, he decides that's his next target.
So many people to kill, so little time. Will no one think of his abs? They're going to turn to pudding if he can't work on them twelve hours a day.
Oh, wait, training montage. We're all good.
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No, wait, voiceover. Not good.
Green Arrow has a little heart to heart with the target, a man in the import/export business named Martin Summers. He lets him know that of the various options he has before him, making a full confession to the authorities is really the best one.
But will this guy listen? Well, of course not. He has his own badass to call on.
Inept Inspector Lance is on the case. He won't have a vigilante. Not on his watch. I agree he can't just cheer the Green Arrow on, but doesn't he have higher priorities? Like maybe the dock worker who had his throat slit? I'd at least like to hear he's getting some pressure from higher up to make the Arrow case his top priority.
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We finally get a good scene between Oliver and Pill-Popping Thea. I was getting really tired of her childish tantrums and her whole, "sure, you were marooned for five years, but let's think about me" nonsense.
It also gives us a chance to see that Oliver's face is not actually made of wax and he can actually change expressions.
Once Thea sees that his abstastic bod is riddled with scars, she clues into the fact that just maybe her brother wasn't on vacation.
There was an uncomfortable moment for me, though, as it seemed there was more chemistry between OIiver and his sister than there is between Oliver and Laurel. Maybe it's just a side-effect of it being the first time someone seems to have actually cared about Oliver.
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Thea takes him out to the backyard to show him the headstones they had placed on the lawn. I imagine those are great conversation pieces during the Queen garden parties.
I thought rich people just bought museums and named them after their loved ones to memorialize them.
Anyway, Thea once again makes it all about her and tells Ollie how miserable her life was without him. No, I wasn't imagining it. There's a very weird incest vibe with her obsessive emoting over him.
After that little encounter, Ollie wants to have some alone time with a girl who is A) not jailbait and B) not related to him. So he heads over to Laurel's place.
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I know why he has to be there. But seriously, this scene makes no sense in terms of the character arc.
Oliver: "Hi, wanna hang?"
Laurel: "You said I should stay away from you."
Oliver: "That was so last week. And hey, look, I brought ice cream."
The absolute best thing about the entirely predictable attempt on Laurel's life was seeing my man Digg take on BAMF-ninja-chick. Yes, she has a name, but it's hard to type because every time I try I have a giggle fit. My spell-checker can't keep up.
Okay, uh, so China White (not to be confused with her drag sister Russian Blue) tussles with Digg and is about to knife him when Oliver foils her with a butter knife. Fearing he might also have a serving spoon or a crab fork in his arsenal, China White flees the scene.
Afterward, Digg is all, "Dude, I caught that little king fu butter knife trick."
And Oliver is all, "Who me?"
And Digg is like, "I'm not as stupid as you need me to be to get away with this act."
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I love Digg. I am hoping that an Oliver/Digg pairing becomes a thing. Would they be called Digger? Diver?
I am predicting that it won't be too much longer before Digg follows him to his Man Cave and susses out how his protectee spends his evenings.
Inept Inspector Lance... Wait, I just got it. Lance/Arrow. Oh you witty comic people, how subtle you are!
I.I.L sits his little girl down and tries to explain to her that having lost one daughter already he'd sort of like to hold onto the one he still has so could she please stop going after every Bain Capital invested mobster in the city?
Laurel is like, "But daaad! They totally suck and you taught me to stand up for what's right."
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To which he replies, "Damn, you totally outfoxed me. I shall have to come up with a new plan. But first, apparently I have to go be useless at the docks."
Our warped little crusader has cornered Mr. Summers and has a little arrow-to-heart talk with him on the finer points of civic duty. Summers confesses, but just then China White shows up for a major throw-down.
Now, she speaks to Green Arrow in Chinese. Why would she do that unless she knew (or at least suspected) that Arrow would understand? Maybe she's been to Magical Ninja Island too?
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China bails on him. I think she has commitment issues. She never sticks around for a fight.
Inept Inspector corners the Green Arrow and orders him to surrender and we all know how likely that is. He disarms Lance and disappears into the night, but not before handing over a recording of Summers' confession.
I'm honestly curious. Is that confession in any way legal? I mean, it's under duress. I would think Summers' army of high-priced lawyers would bury it.
Well, not in Starling City. It's enough to put Summers away for good and to mark off another name in The List Of Doom.
The episode ends with a few little details of importance.
- Oliver pretends to be drunk at the ceremony where he's supposed to take over as the reigning Queen and says he's not the man his father was.
- Mom takes a meeting in a limo where she assures some anonymous figure (John Barrowman maybe?) that Oliver has no idea that they sabotaged the yacht. Not a mother of the year, this one.
- We get a flashback to Magical Ninja Island where our castaway gets shot with an arrow. Owie! Who would do such a thing? We'll have to wait and see.
So, how did Arrow do this week? How excited am I? I'm getting more excited. I like the way the story is building and many of the characters are starting to gel. Laurel, so far, is the weak link for me.
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What did y'all think?
