Give it up from crown prince of Mattel hotness Mr. Zac Efron, who turns 25 today. Wow! Yay! Except, woah: This means Zac Efron is getting too old to play some of the roles he was born to fill. Before it's too late and Zac dies of old age with Kevin Jonas, here are seven roles we'd love to see the High School Musical alum play.
David Cassidy
The Partridge Family comprised a fascinating bunch of actors: You had the divine Shirley Jones, the aloof, carrot-addicted Susan Dey, the not-yet-broken Bonaduce, and the flippy-haired teen icon to end all flippy-haired teen icons, David Cassidy. Their physical resemblance says it all, but Zac Efron's pouty angst is built for a spirited rendition of "I Think I Love You." Hell, if he grew out his mane, he could play Susan too.
Rocky (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
Whether you're obsessed with this camp monstrosity or not (I'm unfortunately in the latter category), Rocky Horror will be remade. No doubt about it. Since Efron proved in The Paperboy that he's game for stripping to his skivvies, why not achieve the ultimate in exhibitionism and recreate Peter Hinwood's classically muscular, deep-glaring twink? Frankly, Efron could stand to improve his -- and pardon this hetero-abused cliche -- "blue steel" stare. Allowing Dr. Frank N Furter to prance around him should aid in building his Calvin Klein ad stoicism.
Rob Lowe (as Drew Peterson)
Let me be clear: I don't want Zac to play just any old Rob Lowe. I want him to play Rob Lowe playing Drew Peterson in the Lifetime biopic Untouchable. You know how that new movie Hitchcock gives us Scarlett Johansson playing Janet Leigh as Marion Crane and James D'Arcy playing Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates? That's what I'm going for here. An actor playing an actor playing a part. Except instead of revisiting the greatest cinematic thriller of the past 75 years, we're revisiting a hilariously inept TV movie about Bolingbrook, IL killer Drew Peterson. Picture Zac Efron muttering that legendary dialogue: "I'm untouchable, b*tch." Rugged!
Speed Racer
We got a raw deal with that lame Speed Racer movie in 2008. I'd consider myself a fan of Emile Hirsch, but the wavy-haired flair of Racer X's winsome foe is an Efron ideal. I never saw The Paperboy, but if the reviewer consensus of that film is accurate, maybe Efron should stick to fluffier, funner cinema. Or at least un-self-serious material. I'm already picturing the dreamy fit of those white pants on Efron's magical gams. (Matthew Fox should reprise his role as Racer X, by the way. I'm perfectly fine with that.)
Brent Corrigan
Let me break some news to you, Zac: Matthew McConaughey garnered (and is garnering) Oscar buzz for his work in Magic Mike. Was he playing a difficult character? No. Did he have to learn a fancy accent or how to play the violin? No. McConaughey simply embraced his public persona, that of a near-nude super-bro, and played it to the hilt. You know what this means for you? You should embrace the fact that you have insane muscle creases and play your pornographic doppelganger, that happenin' entrepreneur (and thespian!) Brent Corrigan. And if there's one thing I know about notable gay men, it's that straight people win Oscars for playing them. That's two roads to Oscar, Zac. Just consider it. And then consider letting me apply your temporary ass-cheek star tattoo.
(The shower water from Brent's picture looks like it's splashing on Zac. You're welcome.)
Fisher Price Little Person
You think I'm joking, but a producer once asked a screenwriter friend of mine if he'd consider writing a spec script about Shrinky Dinks. Not kidding. Yes, Shrinky Dinks, the pin-making kit of the '70s and '80s. A property is a property, and since nostalgia is essentially its own industry in 2012, I think it's only a matter of time before Fisher Price's classic people pegs win their own film. It'd give Zac a chance to regain his puddin' bowl coif and hang around a fire station with all the other hot pegs.
10-year-old Tatum O'Neal
This is the ultimate: While the OWN Network did give us a reality show starring both Ryan and Tatum O'Neal, we haven't seen a definitive retelling of their tumultuous relationship, particularly around the time of Tatum's Oscar win for Paper Moon in '74. Zac has the body and attitude of a buff rollerblader, but with some fancy camerawork and Zac's signature Tatum-y haircut, he'd be perfect as the little girl who smoked and cussed as Addie Loggins. It'd be a very Cate Blanchett-as-Bob Dylan type of transformation. Except awesome. Because I'm Not There was an insufferable waste of time.
