We can quibble about the name Project Runway: All-Stars, since I don't see prized contestants like Nick Verreos or Jillian Lewis in this lineup, but the second installment of Lifetime's alumni competition is probably going to be entertaining all the same. Truly. There are enough wild cards at play here -- each equipped with a wildly different skill type and level -- to make the season worth a run. The only problem? We need to rank which of these all-stars is destined for success. So here, just two days shy of Thursday's premiere, my predictions for the rankings of Project Runway All-Stars' new season. Spoiler: Pretty sure I made it work, guys.
13. Peach Carr
Now, I am a human being, so I love Peach Carr, her constant catchphrasing (Loved when she said that her skirt wasn't short enough to "show the good china?), and her ritzy suburban Chicago flair. She was cool and fun and utterly watchable. But her clothes were both forgettable and aimed squarely at the un-Project Runway demographic of tennis-loving PTA members. That's a no-no in the Nina Garcia taste Olympics.
12. Casanova
He was adorable. He had the shifty eyebrows and indecipherable smile of a kooky art dealer. Except here's the problem: His clothes were effing crazy and froofy to no end, and if he survives for two weeks against people like Althea and Uli, I'll sew myself into an early grave.
11. Suede
Perhaps my view of Suede's work is jaundiced by his season five decoy collection, which was an ill-fitting parade of white, pink, and cyan things, but it's hard for me to imagine that his simple aestethic has improved since The Year Of Kenley. I also find it hard to believe that I can tolerate the name "Suede" any more than I currently do. I will try.
10. Wendy Pepper
Look, I appreciate that Project Runway showcases real talent, fashion, and (sometimes) seemingly real people. That's always been great. But if we're talking about the show's single best moment, it had nothing to do with fashion -- it was the season one showdown between the seething Wendy Pepper and the insufferable high priestess of shoe entitlement Kara Saun. I admit that Wendy Pepper didn't deserve her space in the final three, but I also think she's been unfairly maligned by most Project Runway fanatics. She may have been too conniving in the opening weeks, but as the competition went on, it became clear that she had an actual moral code and sense of humor. If anyone was bound to improve from her first appearance on the show, it's Wendy, who's had almost eight years to refine her aesthetic. Either way: She's the real reason to watch this season, even if she has essentially no chance against some of these dynamos. (Important to note that the quality of design on the show has risen considerably since season 1. God bless Starr Ilzhoefer's "tumor dress.")
9. Anthony Ryan Auld
Aw, this cutie is to die for. I particularly love his voice. It's good-humored, yet slightly panicky. But the darling Anthony Ryan is prone to exasperation, and I assume he'll unravel before his more stalwart competitors like Emilio Sosa.
8. Kayne Gillaspie
Get this: Kayne created one of my five all-time favorite Project Runway looks. Remember that drop-dead, sinister, olive green Marilyn Monroe dress? I thought that looked striking and truly glamorous on the ferociously redheaded model Amanda. During season three, the judges constantly bugged Kayne about his taste level, and if his penchant for pageant gowns is still intact, I suspect he'll field the same criticisms again.
7. Ivy Higa
Yes, I feel slightly bizarre placing Ivy ahead of Kayne and Anthony, but her tenacity is a standout trait even within this group of attention-grabbing weirdos. I also really liked her decoy collection, un-revolutionary though it was during The Year Of Mondo's Unspeakable Loss. I'm trying to picture her functioning alongside the equally proud Wendy Pepper, and I'm already turning somersaults in anticipation. I'm gasping, actually.
6. Andrae Gonzalo
What happened to Andrae?! I can't hear his name without bursting into a Tim Gunn impression, but Andrae made a very good impression during his season-two run. Loved his Banana Republic look, his gutter-inspired gown, and I even kinda liked the mossy dress that earned him elimination during the garden party challenge. He was the resident loon in his season, but he's going to seem downright monotone compared to Joshua!
5. Laura Kathleen
One look at Laura's final collection proves the girl has real chops, and I think she's the kind of hardworking, self-serious designer the judges root for in a comeback story. (Remember when Daniel Vosovic won the first All-Star challenge in '09? His work ethic is similar to Laura's, and I'm sure the judges will like and recognize that.)
4. Althea Harper
By the time season six was wrapping up, I was too frustrated with the quality of the challenges to really "root" for Irina, Carol Hannah, or Althea, though I thought Irina's final collection was to dieeeee for. I was gaspin' for her Aspen aesthetic, darlings. But facts are facts: Althea Harper knew her own aesthetic well, designed with a sophisticated, glamorous woman in mind, and turned out a finale collection that was a tad too muted, but lovely in its own right. She was also very smart and likable on the show, so I'm betting she'll rally for a great finish this year. I can't really picture her screwing up, can you?
3. Joshua McKinley
I don't want to give him this credit, but Joshua McKinley gamed, designed, and practically eye-rolled his way to the finish line of season nine. He may have been tough to take at times, but he generally had reason to give himself credit for being a kickass designer. (Though let's not talk about how Viktor completely deserved the win over both Joshua and Anya.) His loudness served him well during his season, and if my psychic powers are correct, we'll see a lot of friction between Joshua and his main combatant in self-proclamation, the very talented...
2. Emilio Sosa
If any season of Project Runway is "the forgotten year," it's season seven, the one where relatively ho-hum candidates Seth Aaron and Mila served up exactly what you expected at Bryant Park and didn't do much sniveling otherwise. (Though trust me, I remember Mila's snipes about Emilio's sophistication.) Emilio's final collection had some strange color issues, but he often turned out looks that were fitted remarkably well during the competition. Hell, this was his first dress. Unforgettable. And yet, I have to go with my heart on who will/should win this season of All-Stars.
1. Uli Herzner
Let's talk about robberies for a minute: Jeffrey Sebelia's unfocused "Japanese ghost story" collection, which featured everything from a matronly blue gown to green, candy-striped jackets, won him season three over Uli Herzner's glamorously Miami-inspired resortwear collection. Then, during the aforementioned All-Star challenge where Daniel Vosovic cleaned up the competition, Uli's stunning mini-collection of metallic dresses wasn't even considered for the win. Ugh! How much more Uli-bullying can I take? The woman is an adorable character, a fine designer, and so, so ready to win. Give it to her, Michael Kors! Or else Project Runway's legacy will forever be tarnished with -- to quote the great Laura Bennett -- "a history of ugly."
