"Misfits" 3.01 Recap: The New Para-Normal

When last we saw the ASBO Five, they were trying (and failing) to buy back their old powers after selling them to a mysterious power-dealer named Seth for the chance to live normal lives and rake in some cold hard cash.

Unfortunately, the gang found out the hard way that in a world in which death, destruction, mayhem and wanton disregard for personal space are ever present, there’s really no such thing as normal. Not anymore. Welcome to the new paranormal, kiddos. While your community service is over, the real world is ready and waiting for the first opportunity to mangle you lot (and yes, my proclivity for British slang words, however outdated they may be, continues unabated this season. You’re welcome).

The gang decides that what they need to do is purchase new powers. But what are they? We will soon find out.

Welcome to Misfits: Season Three.

We begin with a bloke named Rudy, knocking on the metal doors leading to Seth’s domain. He’s let inside the lobby.

We find Seth, staring longingly at a photograph of him with his arms wrapped around a woman we don’t know. Suddenly he hears an argument breaking out from said lobby. He goes to investigate and finds it trashed; the visible evidence of a fight. No one is there.

Outside, Rudy is chasing down someone just ahead of him. He follows him up to a rooftop (because, if you’ll recall, everyone on this show seems to have a penchant for rooftops).

“What the f**k do you think you’re doing?” a winded Rudy asks the man he’s been chasing. The man turns around, revealing himself to be… Rudy.

Nope, you read that right. Rudy has been chasing himself.

“You think you can get rid of me? I’m a part of you,” Rudy2 tells him.

“The cool power guy in the suit could’ve sorted this bullsh*t out, but oh no. You had to make a big drama, didn’t you?”

“I’m not going to let you bury me. I’m staying right here.”

Rudy2 is convinced that Rudy hates himself and that’s why he wants to get rid of the power that splits him into two separate beings. Rudy denies this, saying that he would, ahem, do himself in a heartbeat.

“So we’re back to the whole gay thing really, aren’t we?

Rudy denies this. But Rudy2 reminds him that he once had an erection watching another lad soap himself in the showers after P.E. That does it. Rudy rushes over to Rudy2 and they wrestle each other to the floor of the roof. Rolling on top of over each other, each trying to gain advantage over the other, both Rudy’s tumble and spill over the edge of the roof…

… where they land on a ledge just a few feet below. They get up, bruised and battered.

“That could’ve gone horribly wrong there,” one of the Rudy’s exclaims.

They settle into an uneasy truce before merging themselves into one body.

Elsewhere, and by elsewhere, I literally mean another rooftop, Simon has come quite far in his transformation from ǘber geek to the mega hot Dark Rider, though he’s not all the way there with his abilities yet. He’s in the middle of practicing his rooftop parkour when he stops, summoning his brand new power which allows him to look far enough into the future that he sees himself misjudging the distance from one roof to the next and falling to, well if not his death, then close enough to it that he thinks twice about jumping.

Meanwhile, Kelly finds herself in a job interview at what looks like a top flight science facility… that or Halliburton. She’s showing off the schematics for a missile she’s designed. Yes, the power Kelly purchased is the brain of a genius rocket scientist. It has done nothing, however, to rid her of that decidedly working class accent or attitude. After hearing her describe her propulsion system as “wicked”, her examiner is less than impressed. Dubious, in fact. She’s thrown out of the building.

“Get your hands off me, prick. I’m a f**king rocket scientist!”

Back at the super loft, we get some nice views of Simon changing out of his Dark Rider costume (and believe me when I say that shirtless Simon is something I’ll never complain about) when Kelly, Alisha and Curtis enter. As Kelly complains about how crappy her power is turning out to be, Simon quickly sheds his costume.

Simon greets them and he and Alisha share a tender kiss. She implores him to get dressed so that all of them can go out for drinks. I would never implore Simon to get dressed because I want to see him as naked as… hold on… this just in… man beats dead horse on AfterElton. Film at eleven.

Any-hoo… At the bar (where Curtis still bartends), the gang informs us that Nathan (along with Marnie and Nathan Jr.) has moved to Los Vegas where he’s planning on using his power to cheat the casinos.

“You don’t need to see into the future to know that is going to end badly,” says Alisha.

Rudy appears at the bar. It’s just after his stint at the community center where he is, in fact, an ASBO himself. This cannot be good. He’s there with two girls (one more Posh, the other a Blonde Goth) who are also performing community service.

As Rudy obnoxiously orders the three drinks, Alisha hides her face, hoping not to be seen by Rudy. She quickly makes her exit, along with Simon and Kelly.

Blonde Goth goes out for a cigarette, leaving Rudy with an opportunity to shamelessly hit on Posh.

“Out of the two of you, I like you best,” he tells Posh. She rebuffs him. But a flicker in her eyes tells us his, um, charm is working.

In the restroom, Rudy has split in two again. Rudy is undeterred. Rudy2, however, is wounded. Their distinct personalities are clearer. Rudy is crude and boorish, and more than a little full of himself. Rudy2 is the cautious, insecure, and sensitive one.

Rudy tells R2 to f**k off while he continues to work on Posh.

Rudy2 goes outside, finding the smoking Blonde Goth. The two talk about how she ended up in community service. She tells R2 that she was framed by her ex-boyfriend (who placed a stash of drugs in her purse when the two of them were pulled over). Her feeling of betrayal is palpable.

“People shit on each other the first chance they get,” Rudy2 sympathizes. Blonde Goth melts for Rudy2 a bit, telling him that she thought he was a shallow, little prick.

“That’s just a front. I’m deeply insecure.”

Blonde Goth is smitten. She propositions Rudy2 for some alone time but he refuses, stating that he’s just getting to know her. This endears him to her even more. She returns inside, touches up her make-up and goes back to the booth where she sees original Rudy making out with Posh.

Suddenly, her heart beats fast, the air around her warps and time suddenly stops. Seizing her opportunity, a very angry Blonde Goth smashes a bottle over Rudy’s head and shoves the remains in the server’s hand. The server just happens to be Curtis. She leaves. Time resumes and Rudy is suddenly bleeding from the head. A dazed Curtis stares at the broken bottle in his hands, wondering just what the hell happened.

At the loft, Curtis tells the gang what happened. The gang quickly deduces that someone’s “power sh*t” had something to do with what happened.

When the topic of what to do about it comes up, Alisha is adamant that they stay out of it this time.

“Because that always works,” Curtis fires.

Alisha implores them not to get involved. She wants them to start doing normal things, like brunch.

“What the f**k is brunch?” Kelly asks.

The next day, Rudy wakes up at Posh’s place. In the bathroom, Rudy2 is incensed that Rudy would have unprotected anal sex with someone and wants them to get tested.

“Pretty girls don’t get HIV,” Rudy reasons.

The two get into another wrestling match that ends with Rudy2 plunging a pair of scissors into Rudy’s shoulder. Don’t you just hate it when that happens?

Simon, Curtis and Kelly are walking by the community center when they spot Rudy, Posh and Blonde Goth picking up garbage from the steps.

Rudy is all smiles, bragging to Blonde Goth about having sex with Posh.

“Everything you said was bullsh*t? How could you do that to me?” she asks.

“I didn’t do it to you,” Rudy tells her, completely unaware of what she’s talking about. “I did it to her.”

This was, perhaps, not the right thing to say. She glares, freezing time just as Rudy’s back is to the stairs. She then decides to shove him.

Rudy tumbles down the steep flight of stairs to the feet of Simon, Curtis and Kelly.

Just as Curtis is about to tell Rudy exactly who pushed him down the stairs, Blonde Goth freezes time again, this time ensnaring the gang along with Rudy.

She quickly sees an opening. A police car is just turning the corner when time has stopped for him, too. Blonde Goth smashes in a car window, places the rock in Kelly’s hand and starts time just as the car alarm goes off.

Simon, Kelly, Rudy and Curtis dash off in different directions. The policeman chooses to go after Curtis, of course. Always chasing down the black guy.

Curtis runs into an area closed off by a gate. He’s trapped. The policeman quickly runs up, spinning Curtis around. Only it’s not Curtis. It’s a woman. In the same clothes Curtis was just wearing.

Sheepishly, the policeman backtracks, confused as all get out. When he’s gone, the woman morphs back into Curtis, thus revealing his new power.

Curtis finds Rudy, Simon and Kelly. When he tries to talk about how he got away, without revealing that he has powers, Rudy pipes up that he knows about their existence and is fine with it (while managing to keep his own power under wraps).

At the loft, the mood is jovial (despite Rudy asking Curtis if his power was born because of some gender confusion). But Alisha arrives and everything changes. Rudy loses it when he sees Alisha. Fighting back tears and Rudy2’s sudden desire to emerge, he scrambles out of the loft as quickly as possible.

“Do you two know each other?” Simon asks.

“We met when we were in college,” is all Alisha offers.

At his flat, Rudy2 is devastated as he stares photos of Alisha that he has stashed in a shoe box. Rudy, meanwhile, wants to trash his place. Clearly the appearance of Alisha has shaken them both up.

“What are we going to do?” asks Rudy2. There is no answer.

Back at the community center, Proby 3, as surly as he’s ever been, grabs hold of Rudy. It seems that a dog shaped charity box, which is supposed to be used to collect donations for the blind (but Proby 3 uses for vending machine money) has gone missing. After resisting for exactly as long as he needs to, Rudy tells him it’s inside a locker. Blonde Goth’s locker. She’s arrested, seething because getting framed is exactly how she winded up in community service in the first place. But before the police can even take her in, she freezes time and escapes custody.

Rudy2 tries to convince Rudy to talk to Alisha and explain how much she’s hurt him. But he’s having none of it.

At the bar, Rudy and Posh are making out (and other, unprintable things) in a booth while Simon, Kelly, and Curtis are look on, nauseated. Rudy takes a break from his, um, activities long enough to tell the gang that they don’t have to worry about Blonde Goth any more.

Then the door opens and Alisha walks through. Rudy clutches his stomach as he fights against the appearance of Rudy2, but it is of no use. The pair split.

Posh is, understandably, freaked. Rudy2 heads right for Alisha to talk about “what she’s done” but Rudy tries to divert their attention. Rudy2 pushes forward, despite this. He tells them that he loved Alisha for two years when the pair of them were in college together, despite the fact that a lot of people at school used to call her the “c**k monster”. He lost his virginity to her and it was the best moment of his life. But afterwards, she avoided him and denied it ever happened. He was so devastated by her rejection that he tried to kill himself.

Alisha, shamed and wounded, lashes out, denying any of this. After telling him to f**k off, she storms out. Rudy2 moves to follow her but Simon, with quiet authority, stops him and follows her out.

At the loft, Alisha is still reeling. Simon approaches her to provide the comfort only he can.

“I’m not that person anymore,” she tells him.

“I know.”

He tells her that he understands that everyone has a past. He’s got two of them, himself. All that matters is the two of them in the now. Then he makes her laugh by telling he used to be called the p*ssy monster.

Rudy2 is sitting alone on the sofa. Rudy wakes up, untangles himself from a sleeping Posh and joins him in the living room.

“This isn’t working out for either of us,” he tells himself, literally. “I think we should stay split.”

Rudy2 doesn’t like this, but he silently agrees.

The next morning, Rudy2 packs up some of his belongings (I can’t help but wonder how does one split community property between two people who are really the same person. How do you divide the underwear?)

Meanwhile Rudy and Posh sneak into the community center locker room for an early morning tryst; unaware that Blonde Goth is there, watching them. When they finally spy her, she tells them that the police are going to have more to worry about then finding her.

Alisha enters to find Rudy, to explain, to apologize… we don’t quite know because…

Blonde Goth has frozen time, stabbed Posh and placed Rudy’s hand around the knife.

Alisha, ready to confront Rudy, rounds the corner into the room and sees the confrontation. Sees everything.

Blonde Goth spins around, finding Alisha. She freezes time.

Alisha and Rudy come to, finding nooses around their necks while balancing, rather precariously, on top of chairs. They are both one wobble away from hanging themselves. Alisha, trying to find out what Blonde Goth is up to, reveals her power -- she can place herself in another person’s shoes.

And what Blonde Goth is up to is writing their suicide notes.

Blonde Goth re-enters the locker room, ready to murder them both. Thinking quickly, Rudy manages to convince her that there’s a flaw in her plan that will tip the police off that this was no suicide.

It buys him just enough time to kick her in the face. She staggers back, tripping over the prone body of Posh and cracking her skull against the floor. She won’t be freezing time anymore because she’s good and well dead.

Rudy, now in danger of choking, wraps around Alisha to keep from hanging by his neck. Alisha finally admits to knowing him, knowing what she did to him.

“I hate myself for what I did to you. I’m sorry,” she tells him.

Those were the words Rudy apparently needed to hear.

“That’s good enough,” Rudy tells her. He lets go, hanging himself to keep her alive.

The world fades to black.

Suddenly, there’s light. Rudy comes to, seeing the faces of Alisha and his rescuer, Rudy2.

Later, Rudy is a bit freaked out by the prospect of having to bury two people. And he’s going to miss sex with Posh.

“Sh*t happens,” states Kelly. “You just gotta bury them and move on.”

After the burial, the five are on the road, relieved and exhausted, when, from out of nowhere, a police car flashes its lights and pulls them over. No one else knew that Rudy stole the car they are now in, but the law doesn’t take too kindly to recent parolees being in a stolen car.

At the community center locker room, four of the original ASBO Five are back in their orange jumpsuits. None too happy about it. But somehow, they are ready for their adventures to begin again. Because, as Rudy puts it, danger is in the air.

Next week: Curtis gets his lesbian on.

Misfits airs on Logo Friday nights at 10/9c. The on-air episodes are edited for U.S. television. If you happened to miss this past Saturday's episode, here it is...