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Every once in awhile the world pretends it's been a "wonderful year for women in film," and 2012 fits the bill. For instance, we have a 9-year-old Oscar-nominated actress in Quvenzhane Wallis, an 81-year-old Oscar-nominated actress in Emmanuelle Riva, and a film phenomenon that hinges on a tough female protagonist (The Hunger Games). In honor of the womanly greatness of 2012, I'd thought I'd take us back to my favorite Oscar year of the 1990s: 1991. You had Jodie Foster in the unforgettable role of Clarice Starling, Diane Ladd and Laura Dern up for Oscars in Rambling Rose, and a movie that gave us two Oscar-nominated, feminist-as-hell perfromances, Thelma and Louise, which earned screenwriter Callie Khouri an Academy Award.
If you watch movies to escape, then Thelma and Louise may be the most medicinal movie of all time. Sure, it's a pretty standard road movie by anyone's definition, but it's also the rare movie that gains in adrenaline and righteousness until its very last moment. Thelma and Louise are accidental heroes who seize the grimness of their circumstances, holler "f*ck it!" to their captors, and sacrifice themselves to the glory of freedom and a soundtrack of country ballads. It is damn rewatchable, and that's only one of a few reasons Thelma and Louise may be the Best. Movie. Ever.
Here are a bunch of other reasons.
1. Susan Sarandon's anger is like soul vitamins.
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The story goes like this: Rootin'-tootin' Thelma and Louise (Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon) are bored small-towners looking to get away from dumb work, a dumb husband, and the dumbness of the human condition. What begins as a harmless night at a do-si-do club turns into grounds for fleeing the state when a redneck monster tries to rape Thelma. The irate Louise responds with the fire of a thousand stepmoms and shoots him dead in the parking lot. The distaff duo drives off into the night, and thus they begin a journey of renegade solidarity in high-waisted jeans.
We do not see enough of enraged Susan Sarandon in our lives. Her restraint as Sister Helen Prejean in Dead Man Walking was admirable, and her apparent love of ping pong is equally cool, but her fury -- when summoned -- is Gorgon-level harsh. Before she shoots down the rapist in Thelma and Louise, she gets so mad that she looks like Munch's The Scream wearing a Canadian tuxedo. She's commanding and demanding, and when she waves around the phallic gun like a lasso, you start to realize that Thelma and Louise isn't dishing a quaint version of feminine defiance. There are stakes.
2. Dare you to love a character more than Thelma Dickinson.
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It's almost hard to believe that Geena Davis could've followed up Thelma and Louise with A League of Their Own, because her character in that lady-empowering comedy is the polar opposite of Thelma Dickinson. In A League of Their Own, she was contemplative and wooden, though slightly subversive. In Thelma and Louise, she is a gigglin', proclaimin' rascal. Once she and Louise find themselves committing crimes across the plains, Thelma tucks away her gun and announces, "I know it's crazy, but I just feel like I got a knack for this sh*t!" It's my favorite line in the movie. Like, "Hey! We're fugitives! But in this direst of situations, I am damn self-realized." I also love her bubbly glee after her illicit hotel tryst. Louise tells her she sounds like she's crazy and on drugs, and Thelma bursts, "Well, I'm not on drugs. But I might be crazy!" She's so overjoyed and whimsical -- it's just a fun, fun, fun performance and precisely the kind of protagonist you love to believe in.
3. The cartoonishly idiotic men are actually just realistic.
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The movie throws us handfuls of awful men to reinforce Thelma and Louise's thirst for salvation, and they're pretty ridiculous. And weirdly real.
Thelma's husband Darryl is a misogynist dunderhead who can't stop watching his football game even when Thelma calls to reveal she's run off. When authorities bug Darryl's landline and instruct him to phone his wife, they have to tell him to act excited to talk to her. "Women love that sh*t," one assures him. That exchange feels both insane and authentic to me, because there's simply a certain kind of dude who never attempts to understand women. It might be the kind of man who wears a cerulean sweater, like the one pictured above. Freak.
4. The ending. Oh, the ending!
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The ending of Thelma and Louise is about as well-known as Psycho's, so I can't imagine anyone going into this movie without knowing exactly where it's leading. Still, no matter: The triumphant conclusion of the film, in which Thelma and Louise find themselves surrounded by cops, refuse to be captured, and accelerate off a cliff into the Grand Canyon, is exhilarating and poetic no matter what. They've spent the entire film figuring out how to exercise their empowerment, and in a climactic moment of intuitive synchronicity, the ladies decide that they belong perpetually in mid-air, far away from the idiotic system that wants to keep them (literally) down. Oh, it's all perfect. Ladies, that flying Thunderbird is the stuff of inspirational Native American folk tales.
5. Oh, this.
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6. What about this.
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7. This too.
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8. Arguably this.
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9. Get me this.
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Calling Thelma and LouiseBrad Pitt's best moment is a little like saying that Meryl Streep's best moment is The Deer Hunter. Yes, it's an iconic role, but it's mostly just a segue between other more important characters of another gender. But whatever: Brad Pitt's breakthrough role is definitely his hottest, and he looks to be having a helluva time bouncing around in bed with Thelma. In fact, he is only more fun in Burn After Reading. This role is sexiness personified, and it completely redefined the world's expectations of male abdominals. Thanks, I guess? Jerk. Hot jerk.
How much do you love Thelma and Louise? Hit me with comments, and throw a couple of bottles of Wild Turkey in there too while you're at it.
