Yes, the title of this recap is in extremely poor taste. But what am I supposed to do when one of the first images is this?
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What was I saying? Oh, right, uh recap.
Previously on Arrow our favorite sociopath got his ass kicked all over the block by Merlyn.
No, not this Merlin (though that would have been cool!)
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This Merlyn.
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Oliver has been rehabilitating his magnificent bod for six weeks now. We in the viewing audience all greatly appreciate him managing his assets so carefully. And we appreciate even more that he does so shirtless.
He's having a little trouble dealing with the fact that he got beat so badly. Basically, he's sulking. Digg shows up and tries to nudge him into getting back into the vigilante game and Oliver evades.
Digg picks up the List of Doom and holds it up to Oliver like a guy trying to interest his dog in fetching a stick. "Come on, you know you want to go out and kill people. Come ooooon..."
But Oliver demurs, insisting his family needs him.
Unfortunately for our pouty little murderer, the plot moves on. Someone is murdering firefighters, and the latest victim is the brother of the girl who is besties with Laurel.
At home, Moira is very sad because her husband Walter is missing. Well, he's been kidnapped by the evil cabal she is associated with, but she's still sad and forlorn. I admire Susanna Thompson for playing a morally deficient character in a way that makes me sad for her.
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Oliver tries to tempt her with takeout burgers from his new favorite burger place. And who here can believe he can have that body and be such a cheeseburger addict?
Moira doesn't want cheeseburgers. She wants to sit in her room and brood.
Remember when I said that I was giving Inspector Lance the probationary title of Dedicated Detective Lance? Well, that went out the window. I really wish they would do something with this character. Because the presence of this idiotic, incompetent, uninspired policeman in a show with so many fascinating characters is starting to bug me.
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At Joanna's urging, Laurel is pursuing the case of her brother's death. And here is where my head begins to hurt. The coroner reported that the fireman was coated in turpentine. And as Laurel was able to find out with a phone call, there was no turpentine in the factory where the fire took place. Also, several other firefighters have died recently under similar circumstances.
Yet the arson investigator saw no reason to look into the matter. And when Laurel brings all this up to her father, he dismisses it with a flippant, "fireman die in fires" kind of spiel.
Laurel, realizing her father is a total moron who couldn't find his own ass with a map and a flashlight, takes matters into her own hands. She swipes the phone that the Hood gave her pop in the last episode in order to get some competent help.
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He shows up at her place to hear what she wants. And wow, Oliver is like the poutiest little bitch in the world. He actually whines at her, "I heard what you said about me. That I'm a killer."
Dude. Seriously, you are a killer. Stop pouting because your ex is a little freaked out by the fact that you have a feral side.
(The scene gave me a good laugh, though.)
After his sulk-fest, he takes the case and then—
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I... Uh... Huh? What was I saying? Something about a recap, I think. You just stare at that picture while I collect myself.
So, yeah, Oliver is totally willing to chase down leads and so on, but then he wants to turn those leads over to the cops. Digg, who has not put a shirt on yet, says, uh, something and then they... Seriously, how am I supposed to focus on dialogue with Digg standing there in all his glorious hotness?
Digg does track down a lead and discovers another murder is about to take place. Oliver can't even invent an excuse before Digg basically grabs him by the scruff and marches him off to the fire.
I just love Digg so much. He's the only person who sees who Oliver really is. He doesn't take any of Oliver's crap, he's not fooled by any of Oliver's facades and he doesn't let Oliver get away with any excuses.
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Oliver goes to the fire, as ordered, and gets beaten up by the bad guy and fails to save the fireman. Yikes. Our boy is not on his game.
He does get some leads from the encounter, which he turns over to Laurel. Digg is not pleased, at all. He reads Oliver the riot act, who just sulks some more.
Laurel and he have a chat where she gives him some speech about how they let their emotions rule them and whatever. I don't know why, but it snaps Oliver out of his funk.
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Then we get a scene I just don't even understand. It seemed to be set up just for dramatic effect (shocking, I know) without bothering to have it make sense. I thought I was watching Days of Our Lives all of a sudden.
Oliver confronts the fire chief about the dead fireman, at a charity fundraiser he and Tommy were throwing. I guess he forgot that his Oliver personality is a shallow, vapid party boy who wouldn't know how to investigate anything but where the beer is kept.
He lays out the whole plot in a painful bit of exposition while Laurel chimes in with the occasional "but what does that mean?" silliness.
And the bad guy shows up and sets the place on fire. This is kind of hard to understand. There is no fire-suppression system, apparently. Which, you know, could happen in a place that was being renovated. But you want me to believe a bunch of fire fighters are going to allow a place to get packed with people if it doesn't meet fire code?
I'm grappling with that while the villain douses the fire chief with turpentine and Oliver runs off to suit up. I don't know how long it takes you to change, but I need a couple of minutes. Slipping out of a suit and into a leather outfit, complete with eye shadow...?
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But somehow, Oliver does it all and gets back in time to stop the bad guy. I guess it's a good thing the villain wasn't in any kind of hurry.
We wrap it up with everything getting back to something approaching normal. Moira is taking over the company instead of brooding in her PJs. The news is calling the Hood a hero. Oliver and Digg are ready to get back to cases.
And Lance is a jackass. He can't be bothered to spend five minutes looking into suspicious firefighter deaths, but he's ready to use his precious daughter to find the vigilante that is currently the city's hero.
This episode started off strong and then fell apart as it neared the finish line. Still, plenty of man candy and some plot development. What did you all think?
