Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
I'm still seeing signs for Gangster Squad everywhere, and I'm sick of not indulging my fetish for gay listmaking. So, here's my way of getting a fix: These are the nine hottest hotties of gangster films, and I hope we can agree that a gangster film can either be a classic shoot-'em-up thriller of the 1930s-40s with mensches like Jimmy Cagney and Paul Muni or a stylized modern version that's more about dress-up than White Heat credibility. I've included both versions in this list.
Here are your gangsters, ranked and dapper as hell.
9. Ryan Gosling, Gangster Squad
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Forgive me -- I am obligated to include the impossibly debonair Gosling since he makes every suit, glance, and cigarette puff a libidinous delight in Gangster Squad. How does he achieve such angles? I fear he has taken a sander to every pane on his face. I can't explain what he's achieved. But it is a masterful achievement in architecture as well as gangster realness.
8. Jude Law, Road to Perdition
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
The makers of The Road to Perdition selfishly tried to ugly up Jude for this role -- his teeth were yellowed, his skin was blanched, and his general "Jude Law" glow was deadened. And yet, he's somehow freakishly hot (and a little identical to Ryan Phillippe) as a photographer-turned-criminal in this so-so jam from '02. Look at his stoicism and sexiness shooting through that powder job. You're no match for his allure, makeup department.
7. Humphrey Bogart, The Petrified Forest
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Never forget that Humphrey Bogart was the picture of dreaminess in his early days. I usually recall him looking rather piscine and bedraggled in The African Queen, but in The Petrified Forest alongside Leslie Howard and a perky, '30s-style Bette Davis, he and his five o'clock shadow are charismatic and downright comely.
6. Robert Taylor, Johnny Eager
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Mr. Robert Taylor! You are... not that memorable an actor, particularly in this movie! But whatever. Robert Taylor has that perfect and rare visage that looks incomplete without a splindly 'stache, and as he romances Lana Turner (who, by the way, sometimes looked too much like Judy Garland for my comfort), you want him to sweep you up in his arms too. But seriously: See this movie for the Oscar-winning support from underappreciated thespian Van Heflin.
5. Johnny Depp, Public Enemies
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Yes, this movie was basically a themed GQ shoot, but look: Johnny Depp should always be clean-shaven and well-dressed in movies. I never want to see him looking like Secret Window Johnny Depp again. The man was posh and prowl-y as John Dillinger, and I have a particular fondness for this film because it was shot all around the Midwest. Wisconsin! Joliet, IL! I'm here for you!
4. Al Pacino, The Godfather Part II
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Could a harrowing stare be any hotter? Michael Corleone is one of the most commanding characters in all of cinema, and more importantly, he was one half of cinema's most famous man-to-man kiss. Yes, it's more of a Judas situation than a Jack Twist situation, but still: When I started thinking of which sinister, long-faced hottied would make this list -- well, I knew it was him, Fredo.
3. Tyrone Power, Johnny Apollo
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
A personal favorite of mine, Tyrone Power was slick, scary, and dastardly as ever in 1940's Johnny Apollo as a man who turns to crime as a means of buying a pardon for his incarcerated father. Not only is shirtless Tyrone a damn treat, but hey! Look! Dorothy Lamour was in something other than the Road movies!
2. Robert De Niro, The Godfather Part II
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Young, august Robert De Niro earned his first Oscar nomination (and win) for The Godfather Part II, and aside from playing a fresher-faced version of Vito Corleone like no other actor could, he gave us phenomenal bone structure and furrowed brows that Ryan Gosling would covet and copy all these years later.
1. Warren Beatty, Bonnie and Clyde
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Warren Beatty may have worn more formal film noir togs in Dick Tracy, but there can be no denying that he absolutely fits the bill as a gangster in Bonnie and Clyde. The real Clyde Barrow didn't look a thing like this Mentadent-fresh movie star, but no matter: Beatty's unmistakable grin makes the part more sinister and cool than it's even written on the page. And so, so, so hot. The obvious winner. Just looking at that GIF, I want to scream in unending delirium like Estelle Parsons.
