The 85th Academy Awards are at last upon us, and unfortunately we only have a few more days to think about the eternal hotness of some of the men they honor. As a companion piece to our Hottest Best Actor countdown, I present to you an important follow-up: The 10 Hottest Best Supporting Actor performances. Heath Ledger, Javier Bardem, and Christian Bale were too inhumanely grotesque to warrant inclusion, I'm sort of sorry to say. But who wasn't? Check 'em out below.
10. George Clooney in Syriana
Get this: Syriana is the one movie on this list I haven't seen. Should I feel bad about that? George's win always struck me as compensation for the fact that he wasn't going to win the directing Oscar for Good Night and Good Luck (which he noted in his awful speech), but maybe it's a great performance. Also: I am not attracted to him in any way, and never have been. Self-conscious sinisterness isn't hot! It's hokey! That's why he barely hangs on at #10, still edging out the adorable '60s totem Martin Balsam in A Thousand Clowns.
9. Frank Sinatra
I hate this man and his pitchy voice. Mia Farrow does what she wants, Frank, and Rosemary's Baby is better than everything you produced in your pitchy lifetime, so you were basically a horrible fool for ordering her not to take the role. Too bad my man Monty Clift should've taken this trophy in '53. His eyes are portals into a great big sad sapphire closet. But hey. Nice teeth, Frank.
8. Joel Grey in Cabaret
Yeah take that, Frank Sinatra, I put the psychopathic ringmaster ahead of you. Seriously, Joel Grey is not only bad-ass in Cabaret, but he has a freakish edge that's sort of like if Jeremy Irons starred in Victor/Victoria. In other words: A sex dream.
7. Kevin Kline in A Fish Called Wanda
Underrated performance: Kevin Kline in Sophie's Choice. Harrowing and crazy. Where was that Oscar nomination? Thankfully he's a delight in A Fish Called Wanda and treats us to moments of balmy shirtlessness too. Try maintaining your droll John Cleese-y composure checking out this guy.
6. Timothy Hutton in Ordinary People
The cutest little Best Supporting Actor there ever was! Look at his traumatized widdle faaaace. Ordinary People is one of the best family dramas ever, and with one of the most spotless ensembles too. (Mary Tyler Moore as the deranged, super-beige mom? Perfection.) Mr. Leverage remains the youngest Best Supporting Actor, and as far as I know, he's the only Best Supporting Actor ever alleged to have a restraining order against a Best Supporting Actress. That's still the best Angelina Jolie rumor ever.
5. Cuba Gooding Jr. in Jerry Maguire
Among Best Supporting Actor performances, this is sure is underrated as a deeply shirtless, ass-baring, pubis-baring role. Cuba Gooding Jr. may be more talented than his post-Oscar career would have you believe, but let's never forget how much we fanned ourselves whenever he came onscreen in this winner from '96. And let's also never forget how shocked we were to fan ourselves again when Jonathan Lipnickiturned out to be a hot adult.
4. Christoph Waltz in Inglourious Basterds
What a scary, scary performance and a studly, overtly hot man. His voice is dastardly, yet totally audiobook-ready. I personally think Mr. Waltz is a delicious addition to modern cinema. In that movie Carnage, he gave the only tolerable performance, and he was in that with Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet, and John C. Reilly. Insane talent still loses to Christoph Waltz.
3. Robert De Niro in The Godfather, Part II
Even a contrarian like me can admit that Robert De Niro is one of the premiere BAMFs of cinematic history. I'll even add that he was gorgeous and terribly sexy, particularly when he smirked like a total criminal. (See above.) Note the pointiness of his visage. Those are some Gosling angles right there. Just confirmed with a protractor.
2. George Chakiris in West Side Story
West Side Story: a gorgeously photographed movie with excellent dancing and fine supporting performances that is terrible in every other way. Overlong, anticlimactic, boring, and Natalie Wood seems to be actively campaigning for us to hate her. (But I don't!) George Chakiris (pictured above center), however, is a revelation, and he is so, so fine. Balletic, vivacious, and model hot. An ideal candidate for canonization.
1. Denzel Washington in Glory
Glory: An unforgettable film about an under-discussed chapter in U.S. History. It should be watched in schools. But please, let's remember its other triumph: its presentation of the totally talented hotness that is Denzel Washington. I put this list together knowing before I reviewed the rest of the winners that he'd come in first. That's how hot he is. And I suspect he'll be just as hot at the ceremony on Sunday, where he's nominated for Flight. Sigh. You hate to see a hot thing lose.
