Your friendly neighborhood bartender is taking a break from his wild dating life to tackle your questions with his patented blend of advice and adult beverages. So slide on up to the bar my friends. Now, what can I get you?
Hey JT,
I’m having some trouble with my friend, and it starts with a movie. I’m not sure if you’re up on Ender’s Game, the book written by Orson Scott Card, but here’s the rundown - it’s a really popular book that’s going to become a movie, but Orson Scott Card is INSANELY homophobic and gives a lot of money to anti-gay causes.
The book is actually great, and I read it before I knew OSC was such a lunatic a**hole. But now that I know, I don’t want to see the movie, because that would mean some of my money would go to him, which would then go right into anti-gay groups. My friend, who’s straight, says I’m overthinking it, and that if I liked the book I should just go see the movie and not care where the money ends up. (He totally plans on seeing it several times).
This led to a huge fight between us, because he just would not admit that I have a reason to be so against this film. Now we’re not speaking to each other. Was I wrong to stand my ground, or was my friend being a jerk?
Ender’s Gay
A still from the upcoming Ender's Game film
Yikes. Your letter gave me a serious case of the thinks. I even, like, totally tweeted about it and stuff.
For those not in the know, Orson Scott Card is, in addition to being a prolific science fiction writer, a notorious, foaming-at-the-mouth anti-gay bigot who believes the solution to the growing legality of same-sex marriage is to attack the government. Seriously.
There’s two main issues raised in your letter, EG. First, was your friend out of line?
Yeah. I think he was.
Do I think you should end your friendship? No.
Your friend is straight, and even the most gay-friendly straight man in the world is still straight, and thus has never felt the sting of discrimination based on who he loves. He can identify, he can empathize, but he can’t know exactly how it feels, and so he may end up being callous about it in a way of which even he is unaware.
So your friend, looking at this situation as a straight man, is seeing this as a political issue, which is understandable from his perspective. For him, some asshat drops some absurd rhetoric, but that shouldn’t detract from getting your fanboy on and seeing a highly-anticipated movie. The two things have nothing to do with each other.
But not being the one that this rhetoric is being used as a weapon against, he has no idea just how personal those remarks feel to those they are lobbed at. That’s where the communication breaks down.
It’s also possible I’m being too generous, and your friend is a total d-bag, but since I don’t know him let’s give him the benefit of the doubt. I think you should explain to your friend - calmly - that you just can’t support this film in any way, because it hits so close to home. For you, it’s a matter of principle. He’s free to do as he wishes, and my advice would be to try to be okay with him going to see the movie, if you can. Remember, he’s not doing it to hurt you. He just doesn’t get it.
But let’s quickly tackle the other less personal, more philosophical issue. Can you appreciate a creative work from someone whose personal beliefs you find to be abhorrent?
That’s a damn good question, and, obviously, this is an opinion-based subject, so there’s no right or wrong answer. For me, it would have to depend on who the creator is, the severity of their opinions, and, quite frankly, how badly I want to see/watch/read the work in question.
Your letter made me think hard about Ender’s Game, a book I also treasured in my college days, before I knew about Card’s monstrous views. My verdict on the movie? Like you, EG, I’m going to sit this one out.
Hey JT,
I’m having a problem with my boyfriend. We live together and share all of our monthly expenses. We make around the same amount of money so that’s never really an issue. My problem is chores. Unlike most of the guys I’ve dated, he does, in fact, help out around the house, but I always have to ask him. When I do ask him, he jumps up and helps, but I hate that I always have to be the one to initiate it. Am I making a problem where there isn’t one? Or should he be more proactive?
Stumped in Vermont
I think this is a pretty cut-and-dry case of choosing your battles, SIV. If your beau was a pain in the ass about chores and always tried to get out of them, that would be one thing. But a lot of couples have certain things they have to nudge the other about, and this one sounds pretty minor.
You could, if you want, mention to him this is something that occasionally grinds your gears, but it's also possible (and this is my guess) that this is just the price of admission.
Hey JT,
I need some geek-entertainment advice. I’m a big ol’ fangirl, and I know you are too! (Well, except maybe for the girl part.) I’m a senior in high school, and I just finished watching the entire series of Buffy on Netflix. Everyone kept telling me how awesome it was and I finally got around to watching it, and everyone was right!
One of the coolest things about it was that a girl was the hero and she totally kicks ass. Do you know any other action shows that have a female lead that I can watch streaming? Friends have told me Xena is good but I watched a few episodes of it and it seemed super cheesy. Any other suggestions?
Lady Kick-Ass
Okay, if you’re a senior in high school, that means you were born around 1995 (ugh - I just died a little), which means you were a wee babe at the exact same time Xena war-yodeled her way across television screens for the first time. So I can understand that it looks a little cheesy to you, because CGI effects have improved light years in the subsequent two decades.
However, I’d suggest you give it another go. Even when the show was on the air, it always had a cheesy, campy feel - in fact, that was part of its charm. And the real strength of the show was that as it evolved over time, it became about not one but two female warriors (Xena and her companion, Gabrielle) and the fiercely close relationship they shared, which always flirted with, but never committed to romance. For the 90’s, that was super daring.
The horse between them symbolizes their subtextual desire to scissor or something.
For less campy fare (but only slightly, as its first season has a lot of costumed Charlie’s Angels-esque silliness before going dark and brooding), I have to give a shoutout to one of my all-time faves, Alias. It made Jennifer Garner a star, and rightly so - she owns the role of CIA superspy Sydney Bristow, and kicks so much ass she would make Jack Bauer blush.
If you’re in the mood for something thoroughly modern, I’d definitely recommend Nikita, which has its first two seasons available for streaming. The one weakness in my mind with the current incarnation of this story (it’s an adaptation of a French film called Nikita which was released in the US as La Femme Nikita, and then adapted into an American film called The Point of No Return, and then adapted again into a Canadian series called La Femme Nikita, before finally arriving on the CW - still with me?) is the same as the others: there’s almost zero levity. One of the things that Buffy did so right is balancing its heavier drama and violent fight scenes with a big dose of humor, making the show feel like a roller coaster of emotion. With Nikita, you’re on the same bleak, gritty emotional plateau the whole episode through.
Though I have yet to see it and thus can’t vouch for it, I’ve also heard a lot of positive things about a new Canadian show called Lost Girl, which boasts perhaps the first ever lead character in an action-fantasy series who’s also a succubus. I’m super intrigued, so if you watch that, let me know!
Anyone else out there have some good suggestions?
To ask JT a question, email him at jtadvicecolumn@gmail.com. Or you can be super tech-sexy and ask via Twitter. Messages may be edited for space (but they're totally more likely to get chosen if they're three paragraphs or less. Just sayin'.)
You can find previous editions of AfterElton's Ask JT advice column here.
