If you're a daytime talk show host who isn't Ellen DeGeneres, you probably spend most of your day thinking of ways to prove you should exist. While The View and The Talk cook up minor controversies and coups from time to time, the daytime talk show format is so staid and familiar that it's hard to imagine anyone breakthing through as an original voice. Strangely, four familiar faces are dishing out new talk shows this season (and Anderson Cooper has revamped his daytime offering to include a rotating set of co-hosts), so we find ourselves with five opportunities to hail the next Oprah. Using a complex grading rubric and simple addition, we'll see who (if any) of these talkers is destined for the big leagues.
1. Katie Couric's Katie
Likability: 8
Relatability: 7
Originality: 5
Guest engagement: 8
Set design: 5
Overall: 33 (Fine)
Katie Couric's decision to try a talk show is somewhat mysterious. She's smart and appealing, but she's always been (rightfully) concerned with integrity first. She's a telegenic news anchor with a real spine, and it's that underlying commitment to purposeful news that has made her compelling -- and right for the CBS Evening News, no matter how unwatched it was.
Though she's quite relatable onscreen, Couic's not a ham, and that's a primary function of a talk emcee. In her premiere episode, she showed off her comic chops in a skit where she woke up next to her "TV husband" Matt Lauer and worried aloud about hosting a new show. The sketch had all the thrils of a corporate training session with a mandatory improv exercise. Couric is not built for vaudeville, but Katie's intimate, somewhat confessional atmosphere suggests that she's willing to admit that, even if she'll keep blushing through awkward moments of performance like a karaoke novice. On her premiere episode she interviewed Jessica Simpson about the pressure to lose baby weight and Sheryl Crow about motherhood at age 50. These are the kinds of interviews I always figured Katie didn't care about on Today, so it's weird to see her attempting to really "connect" with the woman who gave us the most awful cover of "These Boots are Made for Walkin'" I will ever hear. I can't deny her intelligence, but the jury is out on whether Katie can convince everyone she's a fun-loving neighbor with a real interest in Sheryl Crow's opnion about Lance Armstrong's travails.
2. Ricki Lake's Ricki
Likability: 7
Relatability: 7
Originality: 4
Guest engagement: 6
Set design: 4
Overall: 28 (Slightly bleak)
The problems with Ricki Lake's new talk endeavor are identical to the ones with Rosie O'Donnell's failed revamp last year. In forfeiting the mania of their '90s programs, both Ricki and Rosie seem(ed) like bland, half-excited shells of their former selves. Now, full disclosure: I am a Rosie zealot and would follow her into whatever OWN-sponsored cave she requested, but even I can acknowledge that her short-lived series felt like a compulsory activity, not an inspired breakthrough like her first show. Ricki's show is just as forced; she fosters banal discussions about female body issues (with plus-size model Emme in the premiere) and maternity, leaving behind every unstable ounce of The Ricki Lake Show's raucous energy. In the '90s, Ricki's strength was jumpstarting discussions between her caustic, cheatin' guests and easing out of frame when they exploded. Here, she's insistent upon personally involving herself in every topic. In introducing one of her inspiring guests, she announced, "I'm crying already!" That unabashed earnestness is comforting but stilted, and if Ricki wants this show to survive, she'll have to summon some of the unpretentious power of her first show -- otherwise she's doomed to look like a mistake that OWN has already made.
3. Jeff Probst's The Jeff Probst Show
Likability: 5
Relatability: 4
Originality: 6
Guest engagement: 4
Set design: 5
Overall: 24 (A grim, Kafkaesque void)
There's a staggering amount of money to be made in syndication, so I can't fault Probst (or any of these contenders) for chomping at the Merv Griffin-approved bit. But it's fundamentally weird to watch the pot-stirring Survivor guru practically insist that he's a warm, empathetic everyman who's interested in everyone's "story," as he repeatedly puts it. On this truly dismal series, Probst welcomes civilians and celebs alike to open up and -- what else? -- inspire home viewers. One of his first guests was a cancer patient who'd come to grips with her terminal diagnosis. Probst's question to her: How does she feel dealing with this "crazy opportunity to live life very differently than a lot of us do”? Right. Cancer. That crazy opportunity. His intentions are noble and his earnestness isn't unbearable, but this show reminds me of watching Ryan Seacrest read teleprompter feed about Twitter hashtags during Bob Costas' Olympics recaps. Dude, you already have it made, why are you taxing yourself and underwhelming everyone else with this boring contrivance?
4. Steve Harvey's Steve Harvey
Likability: 8
Relatability: 8
Originality: 6
Guest engagement: 8
Set design: 5
Overall: 35 (Pleasant)
Trust me, I'm as shocked as anyone that Steve Harvey ranks so favorably on this list. What's his secret? The Family Feud emcee is sincere in conversation without ever looking like he's thinking too hard. The man who wrote the book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment uses obvious humor and un-judgmental feedback to engage both his male and female guests. In theory, a segment about a husband who only lets his wife spend $100 a month sounds like grounds for a stern lecture from Dr. Phil, but Steve Harvey responded to the couple like a wise pal, not a withering professional. Harvey's mantra -- "We'll get through this together" -- is both trite and cute, and I suppose that's the ideal balance to strike when hosting a talk show devoted to solving the banal woes of civilian guests.
But speaking of Dr. Phil: What is with that bland-ass, cream-colored set? Yuck, Steve. Bring back some of that neon Feud zing, please!
5. Anderson Cooper's Anderson
Likability: 9
Relatability: 6
Originality: 7
Guest engagement: 6
Set design: 7
Overall: 35 (Pleasant)
While not quite as bizarre as the Jeff Probst situation, Anderson Cooper is not exactly a perfect fit for a chatfest. Though he came out publicly this summer and seems to relish his moments of giggly vulnerability, he's pretty reticent. The joy of someone like Kelly Ripa is her gregariousness and guilelessness. I swear that woman could admit she organized the Lindbergh kidnapping, and we'd still be charmed by her gabby candor.
But what Anderson lacks in immediate openness he makes up for with a great new twist to his show: The co-host bit is a perfect solution, an ideal way to bring in fun counterbalances to his bookish sedateness. Alongside Kristin Chenoweth on his debut week, Anderson revisited his coming-out with a stumbling, but endearing clarity. Chenoweth had a good time dragging that story out of him before she lauded him for noting that he didn't want to appear like he was hiding or ashamed of himself. For now I'm looking forward to Anderson's chances as a gabber, if only because his inevitable week with Kathy Griffin will be stellar.
