Previously, on Smash
My, has it been a week already? Oh, no, it hasn't, it's just Smash moving to its Saturday night death slot.
So we open on some ridiculous shot of a bright light shining down on Ivy as a booming voice calls her name. It's Tom on a microphone, correcting a piece of Ivy's stage movement in “Public Relations”. They've been working on it for the last three days and she is completely over it. Me too. You know what would solve this? Cutting that turkey of a number.
Stage Manager Linda calls for a reset while Tom grabs a Twizzler and heads back to sit with Julia so he can bitch about how being a director isn't as much fun as he thought it was going to be. This man has had several Broadway hits; how can he be so oblivious to their requirements? He complains that Ivy is poisoning the cast against him. Sam won't even look him in the eye any more. Julia corrects that that's all on him. Also, she's depressed because Leo (ha!) is off visiting colleges without her. Instead he's with Frank (HA!). I'm no more interested in her wretched family now than I was last season, so moving on. Julia realizes she's useless at a tech rehearsal (so why did they demand she be in Boston?) and leaves.
Up in the cheap seats Eileen is trying to convince silver fox Richard Francis (Jamey Sheridan) of the Times to run another Bombshell story, suggesting set designer Sabrina would be a good choice. He politely declines, having already run a piece in the weekend edition. Eileen is desperate for good press what with that bitch Michael Riedel at the Post running a story on the conflicts caused by casting Ivy's mother. Richard had hopes of going one night without discussing business. Eileen's up for it and suggests dinner that night.
Cut to a room with clothes strewn across the floor. I had hoped that meant dinner went really well and the silver fox was going to show us some skin, but no, it's just that awful Jimmy Charming trying to eat Karen's head in the Hit List wardrobe department. Presumably he'd already gone through all the pockets before she arrived.
She wonders why they're sneaking around. He says it's for professional reasons, because he has shown himself to be the consummate professional, reminding her how messy Bombshell got with her friend Ivy. Karen says Ivy's not her friend. Really? I thought we'd moved past the petty by now. Derek bellows for Karen and the ever-professional Jimmy prevents her from answering, wasting precious rehearsal time for a show that's supposed to be opening in a month.
Jimmy finally deigns to join the rehearsal, leaving first so he can repay Derek some of the money he lent him to pay off Wife Beater the drug dealer. Jimmy thanks him again and Derek's all, no problem, you should hear some of the stuff I did in my feckless youth. I would love to hear them, some snowy night in front of the fire.
Karen passes by them and Derek senses some distance between her and Jimmy, but Jimmy promises that they're fine. Kyle hustles up to them to announce that Richard Francis has been spotted in the lobby. Did he teleport? Derek warns Team J/K to be ready to discuss how they're beefing up the role of the Diva since that's the character Richard is most interested in. They have a new song for her in the second act. Kyle thinks there should be more but Jimmy disagrees. Team J/K departs as Richard arrives, ready to be wowed by something print-worthy.
Backstage at Bombshell Ivy's ready to get drunk. Atta girl! She gripes to Sam about how things have gotten so tense with Tom, and now he's forgotten her birthday. Speaking of, a delivery man arrives with a rather anemic bouquet for her. Tom finds it strange since they don't open for another three weeks and Stage Manager Linda reminds him that it's Ivy's birthday. Eileen sent champagne.
Tom goes from feeling like the world's worst human being to crafting a way to make this all about fixing their relationship. While Sam and Ivy invite everyone except Tom to her party, he pulls out his phone and speaks two little words: “Call Liza.”
Hit List. “Amanda” and “Jesse” sit on the Couch of Shame 2.0™ watching a video of the Diva which we see on a big screen behind them. “Jesse” is dismissive of the idea that “Amanda” should aspire to be like the Diva but “Amanda” insists that people do it all the time. She launches into the original song “Original” about how to become the next Rebecca Black. It's infectious, just like trench mouth, but there are some clever moments of choreography and at least it's not another damn ballad. And I must admit, it does sound like a song one would find on YouTube.
Richard Francis is enchanted, which makes me question his qualifications as an arts editor, telling Derek as Derek walks him out that everything he sees of the show intrigues him.
He asks and Derek confirms that Karen found Hit List and Richard, while realizing that Derek might not want to talk about dating another leading lady, suggests that “director and ingenue leave the bright lights of Broadway for off-Broadway arm-in-arm” would be a great story. Derek agrees, except it isn't true. Richard agrees to return in a week to see the entire show and my god that Hit List poster on the wall behind Derek is hideous!
Inside, in Scott's (Jesse L. Martin) office Julia gives him her thoughts on Hit List. She likes the questions the show asks, but the Diva is not a character. She's a catalyst with no agency, which is rich coming from the woman who just wrote a show about Marilyn Monroe told from the POV of the men in her life.
Scott asks how she would fix it but before she can get into it Derek enters. He tells them that Team J/K has some ideas about adding some new songs but need help with the structure. Julia is surprised that they're asking her to be a dramaturg, having apparently forgotten that Scott asked her last episode to be a dramaturg. Derek is surprised by her resistance, noting how well it turned out for everyone the last time she did. Oh, you mean when they ended up with a book they couldn't use and you and the leading lady quit the show? Good times, good times.
Outside Karen and Ana pedeconference.
Long story shorting it, Ana thinks Jimmy wanting to keep them a secret is a huge red flag and Jimmy summons Karen back to the wardrobe department via text. The smiley face on the end of it is the most inauthentic character moment ever. Jimmy would not use emoticons.
In the wings at Bombshell Tom corners Ivy to wish her happy birthday and ask after her plans. She says she has none and he strongarms her into having dinner with him along with a big surprise. She's just a girl who cain't say no; panicked, she rushes over to the chorines to advise of this wrinkle. No worries from the chorines; they'll just push the party back a little and double-check that “JFK” can still make it because Ivy needs to get both drunk and laid. Tom catches the tail end of this exchange and everyone's all nothing to see here, move along.
Eileen calls Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future to inquire about any media pickup after the Times story. Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future reports that people are more into the Riedel story. Is there anything that could offset that? Eileen's got nothin' except that Liza Minnelli will be surprising Ivy for her birthday at Table 46. Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future recognizes instantly that this is a huge get and plans to get Riedel and a few other journos there. Eileen hadn't planned to attend since she'd promised Richard dinner and a night off and Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future wonders why they can't happen to have dinner at Table 46 as well?
Poor Kyle is sitting in Scott's office looking absolutely miserable.
Scott and Julia reassure him that she isn't there to tell him what to do, just to serve as a fresh pair of eyes. Kyle wants to wait for Jimmy but he's busy rehearsing. Julia asks about their creative process; do they use a board? Kyle: “What's a board?” Oh Kyle.
Jimmy and Karen make out again some more until Karen says, “I've been thinking.” Jimmy speaks for the nation when he implores “You shouldn't do that” because seriously, it's not her strong suit. She doesn't want to do this here; he suggests moving to the lighting booth. Derp! She believes there's something he's hiding, that this just isn't about professionalism. He's not ready to come off the DL; Karen tells him to call her when he is ready because she's not returning to wardrobe. That's going to make fittings difficult.
Tom and Ivy share an uncomfortable silence at dinner, with Tom noting that Ivy is constantly checking her phone, “the international symbol for 'I'd rather be having a root canal'.” He spots Eileen across the way, where she and Richard are having a lively discussion about something other than work. Eileen spots Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future arrive with press in tow.
Kyle's put together a board with index cards on push pins. He ponders moving a scene from one act to the other but can't stop himself from asking WWJD? Scott tells him again not to worry about Jimmy and to put the scene where he wants it. When he doesn't react immediately Julia comments and Scott tells her not to be so pushy. They banter about whether she is or isn't pushy, referencing some play about Amelia Earhart they worked on back in the day and Kyle's all like I can go if you guys want to screw on the desk. But no, while Scott used to have a crush on Julia, she was married (which stopped him even though it might not have stopped her). She claims to have had no idea but her ladyparts are tingling now.
An increasingly desperate Ivy is on the phone to someone at her party, insisting she'll get away soon and to make sure “JFK” doesn't run off with some other hussy. She heads back to the table and clocks Michael Riedel and Santana Lopez From Fifteen Years In The Future settling in at the bar. She asks Tom about it and he denies all knowledge. Then Ivy spots who we've all been waiting for enter. After delivering a line about how much better Liza looks in person which I will bet five bucks was in Liza's rider, Ivy morphs into a squeeing fangirl as La Minnelli approaches.
Tom introduces Liza and Ivy and fesses up that he had a hand in it. Ivy squeals that she's always dreamed of meeting Liza and Liza tells her she's going to do more than meet her. Liza drifts regally off and Tom wishes Ivy happy birthday again. Her joy is interrupted when she spots photographers snapping pictures. She asks if this is all a publicity stunt for the show. Tom insists he knows nothing of any of this and that the only person he told was Eileen.
He takes Ivy to Eileen's table and demands to know if she set this up.
Eileen demurs, saying she promised Richard a night free from work but eventually admits to her role, saying they need all the good press they can get. Richard, chagrined at being used, wishes her luck and walks out.
Michael Riedel then descends on the remaining three, wondering if Bombshell is going to combust again because he's running out of puns for his headlines. After two? Piker. Ivy's had enough and grabs her coat but Liza orders her to sit. Ivy sits because when Liza Minnelli orders you to sit then by god you sit.
Tom takes a seat at the piano to introduce the song, a present for Ivy, whom he calls his best friend. He launches into “A Love Letter From the Times”, a ballad in his signature style.
It's a charming little ditty and Liza performs it well.
Derek hits the stage at Hit List and finds Karen by herself working on the Jesse and Amanda's first date scene. He sits next to her and she notes he's been drinking. Atta girl! He tells her that he cares for her, like really cares for her. She tells him she's kind of seeing Jimmy and it's complicated. Instantly annoyed, Derek leaves.
Outside the restaurant Ivy thanks Tom and wonders how he found the time to write the song, as if she doesn't know numbers spring into being on this show fully formed, as Athena from the brow of Zeus. He apologizes for bungling the Leigh Conroy situation and she acknowledges that she may have over-reacted. He invites her for a drink. She hesitates, wondering whether to invite him to the party, and he takes her silence to mean she's tired and heading home. He puts her in a cab as a server comes up to him; Ivy's left her keys.
Kyle's still shuffling cards and calls out Scott and Julia for not really paying attention, which they deny. He leaves the room for more cards and they have more dialogue to set up their inevitable sexing.
Ivy finally arrives at the bar for her party only to learn from Sam that “JFK” left with “High-kick Heidi” ten minutes ago. She says she's not in the mood any more and Sam trashes Tom for not only ruining her night but killing her sex drive. Ivy's all maybe we should get off Tom's back a little but Sam doesn't want to hear it.
Speaking of, Tom passes by the bar where Bobby and Sue are outside, smoking! Bad chorines! They trade awkward small talk and Tom spots another couple of chorines inside the bar and heads in. Just in time for Ivy and her cake to appear. A round of “Happy Birthday to You” fizzles out as Tom approaches with the saddest puppy dog face ever. “You dropped your keys.”
Hit List. Derek is rehearsing Karen and Jimmy in a scene where “Jesse” is trying to talk “Amanda” out of committing suicide. They clash over Jimmy's shitty acting and Derek gets a little physical. Karen tries to intervene but Derek says it's not about her. He's wrong, because everything is about her.
In the course of the argument Jimmy gets pissed at Karen for having told Derek about them and pissed at Derek for his earlier pronouncement about staying away from Karen. Karen gets pissed at Derek for trying to control her and treating her like property and at Jimmy for not being honest with her. Derek gets pissed at both of them because they're both perfectly awful people and stalks a out.
Jimmy wants Karen to leave with him but she's not going anywhere with him because he's a lying liar who lies. “I thought you were more of a man,” she says. Based on what?! “I thought you both were.”
Ivy chases after Tom and insists that the thing that looks exactly like what it is isn't what it looks like. She says she thought about inviting him but just couldn't Tom responds that they're friends and Ivy explains that as much as she loves him she can't be his friends while he's her director. He can't be putting her feelings ahead of the show and she shouldn't have to feel guilty if she needs a night away from her boss. Tom explains that he misses her and she insists that they aren't losing each other; they're just changing, for now. He apologizes for ruining her birthday but she assures him that Liza Minnelli singing her a song that he wrote makes this the best birthday ever.
It's such a great scene and both actors play it wonderfully. It could so easily have veered into maudlin and it didn't. And I love the emotional maturity that Ivy displays. Imagine Ivy from a year ago having that level of insight and emotional maturity. That's right; you can't.
Kyle pitches Derek the restructured second act, something about how the Diva holds Amanda responsible for her downfall and spends the act plotting her terrible vengeance and then in the end enacting it.
I officially have no goddamn clue what this show is now about because that bears absolutely no resemblance to the original pitch, which was about how Amanda stole Jesse's songs and Jesse wrote new songs as a way to enact his revenge. Derek loves it, especially because it means that Karen will be losing several songs. Kyle wonders how Jimmy and Karen will react to all of this; Derek doesn't care.
So I guess this means we've abandoned the whole “Jimmy's the talented one and Kyle can't write his way out of a paper bag” concept?
Anyway, some time later Julia's gathering her things and asks Scott to keep her posted. He says she's not done and after some banter Julia has been talked into it and has also alerted Scott that should he start having feelings for her again she will absolutely bang him. Noted and logged.
Sam and Ivy ruminate over cake about their ups and downs over the last year. Another nice character moment.
Richard drops by Eileen's office to find her working. She says she should never have agreed to take a night off so close to opening night and she won't apologize for what happened. He replies that he should apologize to her because he's not used to being with someone who works. She admits to not being over her last relationship (with mobbed-up bartender Nick) and they agree to go slow.
Following a pointless montage of the characters set to a breathy cover of The Verve's“Bitter Sweet Sympony” we wind up on Karen's stoop, where Jimmy wants to apologize and try to make things up to her by taking her on a real date. She turns to retrieve her coat but Jimmy offers his, in the pocket of which she finds the drugs Wife Beater gave Jimmy last episode (as if Jimmy wouldn't have gone home that night and done them). She just puts them back.
Ivy's still at the bar. Derek arrives with a card and she's glad he remembered her birthday. Me too. I really like these two as friends.
Please direct your Liza-worship to the comments, and feel free to discuss the other 38 minutes of the program as well.
