I've already talked about intentional thrills in Tuesday's Best Movie Ever? subject Halloween, so to celebrate All Hallow's Eve, we're inspecting the flipside: nine unintentionally scary movie moments. I couldn't handle these as a kid, and I still can't handle them now. They're scrumdiddylumptiously traumatizing!
1. Willy Wonka's climactic freakout in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Plenty of Willy Wonka moments qualify as frightening -- the perilous ferry ride, Violet Beauregarde's blueberry explosion, the austere presence of Slugworth -- but angry Gene Wilder is a scary thing. His freakout at the chocolate factory's sole survivor Charlie has been turned into an ever-present internet meme, but I still can't shake the chills of his screamy "You LOSE! Good DAY, sir!" Trivia note: Did you know that Gene Wilder was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar in 1968 for The Producers but lost to The Subject Was Roses' Jack Albertson, who played Grandpa Joe in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? I think about these kinds of things a lot.
2. Michael's alcohol rage in The Boys in the Band
Now, The Boys in the Band is a flawed movie that takes an abrupt, bizarre turn into Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf-style tantrums, but my clearest memory of the film is how frightening the recuperating alcoholic Michael (Kenneth Nelson) is when he barks at his party guests to play his horrifying telephone game. "Call him!" he shrieks, ordering Bernard (Reuben Green) to dial up an ex and confess his love. Yikes. That's the most scared I've been of a man in a dapper purple sweater.
3. Pooh's hallucinatory dream about Heffalumps and Woozles in The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
So, guess who's capable of acid-tinged dreams about deformed elephants and evil weasels? Winnie the Pooh, that's who. A.A. Milne's fluff-brained bear has a freaky-deeky vision (complete with a HORRIFYING song) that includes the most deranged menagerie of creatures ever to haunt the Hundred Acre Wood. "If honey's what you covet," the trippy song blares, "You'll find that THEY LOVE IT." Oh, ghastly!
4. All of Cruella De Vil's angry faces in 101 Dalmatians
Don't get me wrong: Cruella is one of the truly fabulous Disney creations, and actress Betty Lou Gerson gives one of the great voice performances of all time as the puppy-swiping Tallulah Bankhead lookalike. But Cruella's angry faces -- which are peppered throughout the film -- are so grotesque and incensed that it's impossible not to shiver at them. She's a cackling skull with a cigarette. Look out, Pongo.
5. Elliott's frog freakout in E.T.
Growing up, my brothers routinely declared E.T.'s scariest scene the alien's near-death moment at the climax of the film, but I always found Elliott's possessed classroom freakout where he frees all the frogs and suddenly makes out with a fellow classmate to be weirder. The scene is supposed to prove Elliott's paranormal connection to his extraterrestrial friend, but instead it just shows how eerie (and amazing) young Henry Thomas was. Too bad it was also a ghoulish outburst that gave me nightmares.
6. The incinerator climax of Toy Story 3
Let me get this straight: Woody and his pals end up tossed in some garbage. They see the blaze of the incinerator awaiting them. So they hold hands, close their eyes, and try to die together? That is MESSED UP. I really wanted Toy Story 3 to win Best Picture over The King's Speech, but I admit that the film's fiery climax is definitively not for kids. It's barely for adults.
7. Marv's sustained electrocution in Home Alone 2
I've always hated how violent the Home Alone movies are (I mean, rooftop brick-throwing? Jesus!), even if they're totally cartoonish. In one such moment of catastrophe, little Kevin McAllister (Macaulay Culkin) electrocutes the bumbling Marv (Daniel Stern), and he sustains an infernal scream before turning -- in a flash -- to a jittery skeleton. That is some Psycho business right there! He looks like Norman Bates' mother just as Vera Miles discovers her. I hate that I'm so bothered by this.
8. Snoopy is a looming, grotesque shadow monster in It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown.
Happy Halloween, Linus, now here's what you've been wishing for: a freakish beagle shadow that rises in the pumpkin patch like a murderous Lazarus and seems to overtake the moon as it grows. At least Sally looks terrified enough. I will never forget hiding from this insane vision, and I doubt many other kids will too. Charles Schulz was secretly as twisted as Roald Dahl, I swear.
9. Christopher Lloyd devolves into a horrifying toon in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Believe it or not, I was about to include a Christopher Lloyd scene from Back to the Future here, but this obviously demands our attention: When Judge Doom reveals his true toon villain self in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, you have no choice but to clutch your face, watch the googly eyes and looney weirndess overtake Lloyd's visage, and wait for your own death. For a cartoon, this is seriously deranged. Can you even handle that photo?
