Previously on The Vampire Diaries
VDVO: Mystic Falls. Thousand years. Vampires, werewolves, Doppelgangers, witches, even hybrids. Check, check, check.
Flashback to A.D. 1110. A witch stands in a forest clearing surrounded by five beefy boys. She chants in fractured Latin and brandishes a flaming cauldron.
As lightning strikes the cauldron, the beefy boys thrust their swords into the earth. Lines of fire spread out to connect them and as they raise their flaming swords, tattoos begin spreading across their bodies.
Mystic Falls, present day. Damon searches through some of Connor's stuff from the Grimm trailer, hoping to find a “supernatural handbook”. Not sure it's going to be hidden in the beaker holder, Damon. He recaps last week's action and name-drops the Five. Stefan's not familiar.
Damon fields a call from Sheriff Liz; the news is disquieting. Damon first jackassedly refuses to say what it is because the boys are fighting, then spills that there were no human bits found in the rubble at the hospital. Damon wants Stefan to start tracking the hunter down while he takes Elena to college. Stefan's all wait, wha...? so Damon explains again how important it is for Elena to learn “snatch, eat, erase” which is much dirtier if not properly punctuated.
In the woods Elena explains to Stefan why it's important for her to learn this. She blames her “Doppelganger curse” for preventing her from drinking either animal blood or from a blood bag. I call shenanigans; Katherine had no trouble feeding from a blood bag in season one when she was trapped in the tomb. They're also having “hunter defense class” so Stefan shoots an arrow at her and she hurls it back at him. At great velocity. It whizzes over Stefan's shoulder and I really hope there's no one in its trajectory. So irresponsible!
Stefan suggests that Elena take lessons from Caroline, who has the cool vampire girl routine down. Elena explains that Caroline's too good at being a vampire; she can't help with the blood lust if she's never felt the blood lust. I again call shenanigans. Caroline lusted for the blood plenty when she turned, enough so that she killed that kindly carny her first night out. This is all becoming way too plot-servicey to the goal of getting Damon and Elena alone together again. Stefan concedes the point and they sexfight some more. Elena mentions that Bonnie will be with them; Grams used to teach there and the professor who took over her classes invited Bonnie.
Mystic Grill. Matt's wiping down a shot glass and rocking a tight Mystic Grill t-shirt when Rebekah approaches. She offers him a new truck as an apology; Matt suggests she offer it to Elena since she's the one Rebekah killed and stalks off.
Klaus is there and after trash talking Rebekah for “bribing the help” drops the bomb about “the Brotherhood of the Five” being back in the game. Rebekah claims she doesn't care but when Klaus departs worry crosses her face.
Whitmore College. Damon parks in the middle of what looks like a pedestrian pathway and the group disembarks. Elena thanks Bonnie for letting them crash and Bonnie's all, better you learn this now than at freshman orientation. Elena frets that she might not get to go to college but Damon says he's been a bunch of times. Seems he has a weakness for co-eds. Bonnie: “You're disgusting.” Damon: “I know.” Hee!
They crash a lecture by someone IMDb tells us is called Professor Shane.
Not This Shane
This is The Vampire Diaries so he is, of course, a babe. The subject is witches, whom Professor Shane calls “the architects of the supernatural”. A bored Damon whispers to Elena, “What is this man, Witchipedia?” which makes me laugh more than it should. Bonnie shushes them but they keep whispering. Damon helps her with victimology; stoners are too paranoid and give you a contact high; geeky girls are too suspicious if someone starts being nice. They settle on a blonde girl as Professor Shane busts them for talking in class.
Haus of Klaus. He opens a door to show us that he's converted his parlor to a meat locker. The meat in question is Connor, stripped to the waist and chained to a rack.
Stefan's impressed (me too!) and asks what information Klaus was able to obtain. First word bup, second word kiss. Also? Connor is immune to compulsion.
They adjourn to another room where Stefan requests whatever Klaus knows about the Five. He sussed something was up when Klaus healed Elena of the “werewolf poison” with no strings attached. See, show, even that right there is better than (sigh) “werewolf venom”. Was that so hard?
Klaus reveals that the Five are a group of vampire hunters whom he and his siblings encountered in Italy in 1114. Flashback to that very place and time, where Klaus and Elijah are working some Medieval realness.
X, X, X's across the board
Klaus voiceover continues that they'd been following the Five across Europe, or as we say in America, Yerp, in the wake of the Norman conquest of Italy, feeding and making lots of baby vamps and generally calling attention to themselves. Klaus and Elijah spot a beefy man speaking from a platform about the debbil vampires; he unlatches a large box and a vampire emerges, immediately bursting into flame at the Sun's touch.
Elijah suggests that between Kol in the East and Klaus the Originals are beginning to get a reputation. Klaus: “I welcome such infamy!” Drama queen. Still, Elijah continues, it might be best of Klaus checked himself before he wrecked himself. Klaus suggests that it's Rebekah who needs to be checked, seeing as how she's flirting with the beefy vampire hunter even as they speak.
Back in the present Klaus reports that he had heard nothing of the Five for 900 years, but that Rebekah had fallen in love with one and has information she refuses to share. He wants Stefan to convince Rebekah to give it up and in exchange he will give Stefan “the answer to all [his] prayers.”
Back at the Grill Matt says hey to April, who insists she's not a loser because she has a friend. It's Rebekah, who if you remember got chummy with her last week while suffering the effects of (sigh) “werewolf venom”. Matt expresses amazement that anyone likes Rebekah and wisely decides to keep the truck.
Before April and Rebekah can start the girl talk Stefan arrives for a little girl talk of his own. After compelling April to forget what she's about to see and hear, Stefan advises Rebekah that Klaus wants him to “fake peace” with her to get the intel she's holding. She refuses to play along until Stefan offers her a shot at a clean slate, with him and with Matt. She's in.
Damon gives Elena some last-minute pointers on the care and feeding (off) of humans and Elena makes her move. She compels the blonde from class but before she can feed she catches sight of a picture on the girl's phone of her little sister. She compels her to forget and go back to class.
Damon's peeved but Elena frets again some more about her, say it with me, HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS. Bonnie ambles up with the news that Professor Shane has some stuff of Grams' to give her. She also hands them a flier for a party at “Murder House”.
Damon's delighted. Since a frat party is “Douche Central” there'll be plenty to eat. That's...not a pleasant image.
Beks and Stefan arrive back at the Haus of Klaus, where Klaus is maybe a little too interested in the half-naked chained-up guy. Rebekah calls BS on the Five thing since there's no visible tattoo. Klaus explains it's invisible and heads them all in for supper.
At the table the siblings bicker about how he snapped her neck, she destroyed his supply of Elena's blood, he never put the toilet seat down, blah blah. Stefan's eyes glaze over and he threatens to “name the million other people I'd rather be having dinner with”.
Back to the 12th Century where Klaus, Rebekah and Elijah are having dinner with the hunter, Alexander. His wig is enormous and his accent, unidentifiable. Seriously, Paul Telfer is from bloody Scotland and he can't do a decent British accent?
He tells them that there are only five in his order. Hence the name. They were “bound by fire and the last breath of a dying witch” to the cause of destroying all vampires. Oh, and they happen to have an ultimate weapon.
Back in the present Klaus explains that to find the weapon they need to solve the puzzle of the tattoo, which is a treasure map. Rebekah snots that a map does them no good if they can't see it; Klaus has acquired the one person he knows can, Jeremy. Our boy Jeremy refuses to help but Klaus snatches Jeremy's protecto-ring by way of persuasion.
The away team arrives at Douche Central. Damon's working a Victorian costume complete with top hat. He's Jack the Ripper. Get it?
They spot Shane and Damon calls him “Professor Creepy”. Bonnie insists he's not creepy. Bonnie, professors who hang around frat parties? Creepy.
Bonnie goes off to chat with Professor Creepy while Damon and Elena scan the crowd for a victim. Elena chooses the scumbag she spots dropping a roofie in a girl's drink. Of course our perfect Elena can only feed on someone like him. It's like Dexter Morgan only killing killers; she can only predate on predators lest she lose her sheen of innocence.
Elena moves in and lures the scumbag away (but does not relieve the girl of her spiked drink). She compels him to be silent and bites him. Damon's behind her coaching and Elena keeps herself from killing the scumbag. She compels him to forget how he got those two fresh bleeding punctures in his neck and he retreats. Damon congratulates her and asks how she feels. She's elated and she wants more.
Haus of Klaus. Jeremy's sketching the tattoos and Connor asks why Jeremy set him up. Jeremy says Connor is targeting people who are important to him and Connor can't figure out how Jeremy can see the tats if he's a “sympathizer”. Jeremy asks why he can see the tats and we get Connor's origin story. Years ago Connor met someone with the “mark” who had an intense desire to kill vampires. He told Connor that seeing the mark meant he was a “potential”. They lost touch and one day the marks just showed up on Connor. As he killed more vampires more of the tattoo appeared.
That's it? Not even a radioactive spider? What a crap origin.
In the next room Klaus explains that Rebekah was more than happy to investigate Alexander's tattoos. And by “investigate” he means “trace them with her fingers while straddling him”. In flashback Rebekah learns that you need the sword to translate the map. He asks if she's decided to come with him when he follows the map. She has and she will. Then she spots a dagger and a bottle of ash on the bedside table. She doesn't know what it is yet. He dips the dagger in the ash and explains that before they find the ultimate weapon the daggers will do in a pinch. She continues to pump him, for information, but he'd rather make out before slipping a dagger up her strap.
Back in the present Klaus explains that the Five put down all of the Originals that night. It didn't work on Klaus because of his werewolf aspect. Flashback to Rebekah reviving and asking what happened. He suggests asking Alexander, but he won't answer since his tongue's been ripped out. Plus there's a great sword through his chest. Klaus rages at Rebekah for trusting a stranger over her family and demands to know, “What did he promise you?”
Back in the present Rebekah reveals that the ultimate weapon is a cure for vampirism.
Stefan scoffs that there is no cure for vampirism, and if there is why didn't they search it out centuries ago? Klaus explains that when the Brotherhood died the marks vanished from their bodies and he'd heard nothing more of them until Connor arrived in town. Klaus and Rebekah argue about their baggage again some more and she storms out. Klaus insists to Stefan that she never would have told him but she will tell Stefan. They need to locate the sword.
Bonnie and Professor Creepy arrive at his office. He has some family photos for her and a first edition of Stephen King's Cujo. And they've either found or mocked up an actual first edition dust jacket, so well done props department. He asks if she practices; she says she used to until she lost control and asks if he's a witch. He's not, just a “true believer”. He asks if she'd like to start practicing again, because there are other ways to access magic. We don't get her answer but obviously it's “yes”.
Elena's a bit blood-drunk at the party. She dork-dances with Damon in between biting people (she forgets to compel one of them to forget being bitten) until Bonnie arrives and gives her the Goggle-face of Incredulousness. Elena walk-of-shames out of the party
Haus of Klaus. Klaus enters and admires Jeremy's lines (me too!) but hurries him along. Jeremy says he's done but Klaus insists that the drawing is incomplete. Jeremy tells him about the “kill more vampires to see more of this picture” business.
Klaus summons a cute Asian-looking redshirt called Nate and instructs him to have Jeremy escorted home and to keep Connor alive at all costs. They all leave and Connor starts straining at his chains. I don't know if we're supposed to conclude from this that he's stronger than a normal human but either way the chains hold.
Nate catches him straining and adjusts the chains. Connor goes all Mike Tyson on Nate and Nate slugs him. He stalks out and Connor shows us the piercing post he's ripped out of Nate's ear.
Outside Douche Central Elena kicks off an existential crisis that Bonnie blames on Damon. Who's standing behind them. Bonnie lights into him, saying that his influence is making Elena act like an entirely different person. Damon ripostes that she is an entirely different person, a vampire, a member of a predatory species that revels in the hunt and the kill. Elena's quietly freaking and Bonnie's pissed.
Rebekah arrives at Chez Salvatore and apologizes to Stefan for refusing to help him if it means helping Klaus. She asks if Stefan would take the cure to be with Elena and they blather again some more about Elena's HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS. Rebekah opens up that she and Alex planned to be married at some Italian church I won't pretend to try to spell.
Stefan says that if it meant that he and Elena could do life stuff and then “be buried next to her” then he would take the cure. Rebekah tells him she buried Alexander at the church where they were to be buried and wonders what kind of fool does that. I'd say it's the kind of fool who just gave up the one piece of information that Klaus was looking for, the location of the sword. Rebekah realizes her mistake as Klaus emerges from another room.
Klaus has a dagger. Rebekah bolts but Stefan blocks her escape. Isn't she like way stronger than Stefan? Toss him aside and run, girl! Rebekah is all “Je ne regrette rien” and Klaus daggers her.
He tells Stefan he has a jet standing by. He'll retrieve the sword while the hybrids watch Connor and Stefan makes Jeremy forget everything. He insists no one else can know of the cure and sings a chorus of “You and Me Against the World”.
Damon drops Elena at home and they blah blah about her feelings. Stefan opens the door, Damon leaves and Elena and Stefan blah blah about their feelings. Bored now.
Nate brings in some food for Connor. Who wraps a chain around his neck and decapitates him. More of the tattoo appears, including a star symbol.
The same star symbol that's in a framed picture in Professor Creepy's office, because no one on this show doesn't have at least three agendas.
"What, you thought I was just a professor?"
He looks up and asks, “Shouldn't you be in Mystic Falls, killing vampires?” A pissed Connor demands, “Why did you send me there?” Creepy doesn't answer.
This was a very information/exposition-heavy episode. Which doesn't mean it wasn't strong. Pieces were moved into place while more of the board was revealed. Our probable goal for the season, a cure for vampirism, was set up nicely and, when it's inevitably discovered, everyone will face a choice whether or not to take it. I wonder, if an Original takes the cure, what happens to the rest of the blood line? No idea if the cure story line is part of the books but the search for it should make for an admirable quest.
Next week: Hostage crisis!
