Okay, my gay peeps, brace yourselves. I know it's hard, but I know you can handle it. Get a stiff drink and gird your loins. Because Arrow starts off with Oliver and Helena post-coital.
I know, I know. These dang heteros just can't stop pushing their agenda. They keep trying to make us believe their way of life is "normal." I agree, it's gross. But the CW will do anything for ratings.
I am assuming this scene takes place some hours or maybe days after the act, because I can't see anyone being able to move any of their limbs so soon after getting pinned to the bed by Oliver.
Imagine waking up to this sight...
Helena sneaks out of their bed of sin to go and run a little errand. It happens when you're in a relationship. You remember you forgot to lock the door or turn off the light downstairs. In Helena's case, she has to just go and kill someone real quick.
The "someone" is the local boss of the Triad. For those just tuning in, the Triad is the big bad crime organization out of China. It's enforcer is someone put into an unfortunate wig who calls herself China White. When everyone was picking cool alter ego names, she came in late and got the last one in the hat.
Anyway, Helena's assassination plan is foiled by Oliver, who does not approve. In his delightfully warped mind, what he does is vastly different to what she does. He sees it as the difference between revenge and justice. Helena thinks they're the same thing.
Oliver takes her off to the Hamburger Shack. I get that every show needs its own local hangout, but the way Oliver takes everyone to this place is kind of silly. Anyway, she throws up some walls, lines them with snipers, surrounds that with a moat filled with mutant killer sharks and locks him out.
Digg stops by the Club House and asks how Oliver is progressing with stopping Helena. Like the little brat he can be sometimes, Oliver sullenly replies that he can save Helena and Digg is a big meanie. Digg is understandably annoyed.
I like the Helena plot, and I appreciate the need for adding dramatic tension between Digg and Oliver, but I sort of think maybe they should have waited until later to do this whole "driving a wedge" plot. One suggestion would be to wait until the bond between the boys had grown stronger.
Walter is back, which is fantastic. I am full of questions about what he knows, not just about Moira, but Robert Queen and Mr. Merlyn too. He certainly doesn't seem as warm towards Moira as he used to be. Was he really in Australia?
Oliver continues to try and help Helena. He's sure that he can teach her to become a good, benevolent vigilante like him. Neither Digg nor I believe it. They take down a drug dealer together and since Helena didn't kill even one person, she got a cookie.
Unfortunately, after accidentally having dinner with Tommy and Laurel, Helena freaks out. The inexplicable accusations she makes serve to prove she's really off her rocker.
Oliver is sad. He was looking forward to a long and fruitful relationship where they would walk their kids through the park by day and murder bad guys (but only the ones who really, really deserve it!) by night.
Digg is a lot gentler and nicer to Oliver than I would be. He consoles Oliver and tells him that he just needs to deal with the fact that his girlfriend is certifiable. Oliver mopes and then goes out to deal with her.
Walter, meanwhile, has found a book with blank pages. I guess every member of this mysterious League of Evil has one of these books. He enlists the aid of Felicity Smoak. To show he isn't an SOB he tells her this may very well get her killed, but she's totes on board. I think she has a crush on Walter.
Helena, all decked out in the nifty Huntress outfit Oliver made for her, goes a-hunting. She bursts in on a Triad joint and whacks all the bodyguards. The Triad head dude says something wise in Chinese. I have to wonder, does it bother Chinese people that Americans think all Chinese people are vested with ancient wisdom? Or are they just flattered?
His words of wisdom don't keep Helena from killing him dead. This sets off a war between the Triad and her dad's organization. War might be misstating it. It's more like wholesale slaughter.
Being the criminal mastermind that he is, Mr. Bertinelli kept the laptop with the hard drive full of evidence that would bury him in his safe. I guess he was hanging onto it in case he ever decided to blackmail himself? I have no idea.
The Hood shows up to intervene in China White's murdering spree. He shoots her in the gut, but I think that will only piss her off. We'll see her again. He tells Bertinelli to run.
He does, but he doesn't get far. Helena wants to settle her daddy issues permanently. Oh yeah, she's a few fries short of a Happy Meal. I was half-expecting daddy to tell her he knew all along that it was her and not her fiancé that had been gathering the evidence.
However, a moment later we learn that couldn't be true. Because now that he knows his crazy-ass kid wants him dead, he tries to kill her himself. Family life in Starling City is messy.
Helena isn't really grateful to Oliver for saving her life. She warns him to not interfere anymore or she'll out him. Oliver gives his sad puppy eyes to her back.
Oliver goes to drown his sorrows in Chili Cheese fries. Seriously? How many bad guys does he have to kill to burn off all those calories? Anyway, Digg shows up and tells him there are plenty of other sociopathic murdering fish in the sea. C'mon, Oliver, can't you see the real love that's sitting right across from you?
We end with Walter getting the skinny on the blank pages. He sees The List of Doom. And unlike Oliver, his is complete since none of it was used for kindling. What will Walter do with this information? Please be careful! I don't want John Barrowman to stab you with a sword!
Another fantastic episode. Maybe not quite as good as last week, but still exciting. What did you all think?
